99: The Freedom of 50/50
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Stephanie - Overdub: [00:00:00] Hello, my friends, and welcome to another episode of Radiant You. Today, we're going to start with a little twist by asking and pondering some questions. Take a moment to just imagine a silver platter in front of you, just this beautiful silver platter. And on that platter is showing all of the different emotions of your life. Take a moment and just see it in front of you. Which emotions come up most often for you? Is it overwhelmed? Frustration? Connection? Joy? Is there peace in there? Maybe some loneliness? What does your typical platter look like? You got that in your mind?
Okay, now I want you to ask yourself this question. If you could delete [00:01:00] all of the negative emotions, would you do it? Now most of you like me want to say, "Absolutely, let's get rid of them. I do not want those negative ones. I just want to feel good and peaceful and happy and connected and all of those positive emotions." And I hear you, my friend. I have such a desire for those positive emotions too.
And I remember when I started learning about emotions and that my thoughts influence my emotions, I thought, "We are going to just create the positive ones. Let's go. I don't want any of these negative ones. The goal here is to reduce the negative emotion." And if you're there, I hear you because ~it is so natural and normal to desire that. ~it is so natural and normal to desire that, right?~ Our automatic brain wants, right? ~Our automatic brain wants to avoid pain and seek pleasure. This is the goal that we're constantly searching for.
But I've found in my own life and in the lives of my clients, ~when we try to delete the, ~when we try to delete the negative emotions. It actually doesn't [00:02:00] work. What ends up happening is we get into this toxic positivity where we think we have to be happy all the time. And then if a negative emotion comes we resist it and push it down and that builds even more frustration. ~And ~
I remember this moment where I realized I was having negative emotion about my negative emotions and that was making me have more negative emotions. ~And ~I just felt it become overwhelming in my life and it wasn't until I went through coach training for myself where I started recognizing the patterns of normal responses to negative emotion that keep us stuck.
The most common response to negative emotion are these three reactions:~ that, that keep us stuck. There's actually three ways that we respond to negative emotion that are most common in everyday life. ~One is avoid, two, resist, and three, react. Let's break those down for a second.
Avoid. When a negative emotion comes up and we want to just avoid it ~in our lives.~ this is when we feel like we're walking on eggshells, where we want to do anything we can to avoid [00:03:00] that person or that place or the activities that typically bring the negative emotion. But this puts us in a place of fear and exhaustion because we expend so much energy avoiding that negative emotion, which... aren't fear and exhaustion negative too? Keep that in mind as we move forward here. ~So~
The second natural response is to resist those emotions. ~And ~This is when a feeling already is happening for us and we want to deny it or push it away. ~And ~There is no relief there because on the end of pushing it away that emotion is still there. It just comes back. It's like that beach ball that you're pushing down, pushing, pushing, pushing, and then the pressure builds so much that it hits you in the face and things explode. ~And ~The feeling stays longer and it ends up being bigger and it's not helpful in the end when we resist those emotions.
~And ~When we do that, that's what brings us to the third response to negative emotions. We [00:04:00] react. We don't have a clear mind or a focus that helps us respond purposefully. We just react to whatever that negative emotion was that was building because we've spent so much time and energy avoiding or resisting it and then we yell or we pull in and shut people out and we hide. Or we buffer with things outside of ourselves to try and calm down that emotion because we don't know how to handle it. It's flooding us. Or we just quit and give up because it feels too hard.
*And yes, those things can provide temporary relief, *~*but they negatively impact, *~*but they negatively impact our relationships with ourselves, with others, and with God.*
You see how the typical response to negative emotion creates more negative?
Do you see this pattern in your life where you feel stuck in a negative relationship with negative emotion? Are you avoiding it at all [00:05:00] costs, ~tiptoeing and eggshelling around, tiptoeing and ~walking on eggshells trying to get around it? Are you resisting it when it comes up, pushing it away? "I'm not feeling that!" Or are you reacting to it? And then feeling bad afterwards because that's not how you want to show up
My friend, there is a better way. I know you don't want to feel negative emotion and hopefully you'll find some freedom in these three simple shifts that will help you see negative emotion in a new, more positive light.
*The first simple shift is to recognize that any emotion or feeling is just a vibration of energy in your body.* *That's it. *
~You have something happen and then you make it, you have something happen in your surroundings or in your life or in your mind. And then you. There's something that happens that comes with your thoughts and the beliefs and the meanings you attach with that thing that happened. And ~When you have those thoughts and feelings and beliefs, they trigger that chemical response in your body, ~that vibration that become that, ~that vibration that we interpret as emotion or feeling.
But here's the thing. When you allow that vibration to go through you and give it space, it [00:06:00] takes 60 to 90 seconds on average. That's it.~ That's it. A negative emotion comes, ~A negative emotion comes that we allow and we feel that vibration and it's gone. It's one of the most empowering things you can do to recognize and neutralize that it's just vibration. ~If you need more help on knowing how to do this, you can check out my ad. You can check out podcast episodes for 40 and ~ If you need more help knowing how to do this, I've gone a little deeper in episodes 4, 40, and 94. You can go check those out. The links are in the show notes. ~But that first shift is, but that first simple shift that helps.~
But that first shift is all about recognizing that emotion is simply vibration. And we don't need to be as scared of it as we usually are. ~The second shift is the second. The second shift is really this. ~
The second shift is this: you don't actually want to delete your negative emotions. I know you might be pushing back on me a little here, but if you look at that platter and you look at all the negative emotion, there are different types of negative emotions. There are indulgent emotions and there are useful emotions. And yes, we want to [00:07:00] reduce the indulgent negative emotions, but there's a really important place in your life for useful negative emotions. ~Let's tell, let's detangle that a little bit. ~ Let's detangle that a little bit. ~Indulgent negative emotions look like this. ~Indulgent negative emotions look like worry or confusion where you sit and aren't sure what it is that you want ~and, ~and mull it over, over and over again. Or overwhelm that we just feel flooded all the time and we can't think clearly.
Indulgent emotions, when you give them space, they tend to build and get stuck, keeping you as a victim in indecision and in a reaction space. Those are not useful. And we definitely wanna reduce the patterns of indulgent negative emotion in your life.
But the useful emotions that we often resist are the ones that are so powerful,~ are the ones that are so powerful, ~like discomfort. Discomfort is the price of growth. [00:08:00] If you don't get in a place where you're at least a little bit uncomfortable, you're not growing, you're not learning, you're not becoming something more. Discomfort is important.
Or how about urgency? I know that when God talks to me, his spirit often ~will bring urgency onto my heart. It ~will bring a feeling of urgency in my heart and help me know that this is important, that I need to move forward. Again, this is not worry or confusion, but urgency. That has its place in your life. If you never felt urgent, you probably wouldn't do a whole lot to move forward, right?
Or how about grief? Yes. Grief. When we resist grief or we react to it or we avoid it, then we dishonor the love that we felt for whatever it was that we are grieving for. And It's important that we hold space for both of those things, the love and the grief. And when [00:09:00] we give it space, we can move through it and go forward.
Vulnerability fits in this category. Definitely not comfortable, definitely negative, but what beauty comes from vulnerability in your life. And one of my favorite ones to point out as a negative emotion is courage. You might think, "What? Courage? That's a positive thing, right?" You know what courage is? Courage is pushing through fear. That definitely is not comfortable and can be categorized as negative. Courage actually feels terrible, but it brings that brightness, that willingness to ~move and change and become in your life. That ~move and change and become something new.
So you see how they have this theme in the useful negative emotions where it's ~moving you forward and helping you~ moving you forward and helping you become.
*If all you did was sit and feel peaceful and happy every day, it would be hard for you to progress.*
So, that's the simple shift number two. ~Is recognizing that you actually don't want, is recognizing ~That there are [00:10:00] useful negative emotions that you want to keep in your life. And you might be thinking to yourself right now, "Okay, so then how much of my life should be full of negative versus positive emotion? Like 80/20? 70/30? Where is it that we should feel the positive versus the negative?"
Well, this brings me to the third and possibly most powerful shift, that life is actually meant to be 50 percent negative and 50 percent positive.
Just digest that for a moment. That it is normal, natural, even healthy to have a balance, of negative and positive. ~Opposition in all things, the opposition in all things. That is how God creates ~ Opposition in all things is a trend in God's creations, including in you, and it's okay that we have hard days. If we think that life is supposed to be ~positive and ~full of [00:11:00] all of this goodness and these positive emotions, then we get robbed of recognizing the beauty and the growth of the negative.
And we end up, like I said before, having negative about our negative. We think, "Something has gone wrong!" because we have so much negative
. But believing that life Is really actually 50 50 gives you the freedom to recognize nothing has gone wrong here. You wake up, you don't feel like facing your day, and you just think to yourself, "Well, this isn't great, but it's just part of the 50 50."
~How much more neutral does that feel than the avoid, resist, and react?~ *How much more neutral and peaceful and compassionate does that feel then the common patterns of avoiding, resisting and reacting to those negative days?*
~Yes, we want to create positive and we want, ~Yes, we want to create positive and have more of that in our lives, but honestly, much of your positive emotion will be a result. Of your [00:12:00] negative, useful emotions. You move yourself forward, you feel uncomfortable, you find some courage and you accomplish something. You feel joy and fulfillment and satisfaction on the other end of it. ~On the other end of it.~ When you channel this power to create negative, useful emotions on purpose,~ Ah, you find the negative emotions on purpose. ~you find peace to be able to move forward with new strength and freedom to stop being a victim or in drama about the negative moments in your life.
*Stop creating negative about your negative.* *Move forward with empowering negative and purposeful positive.*
There are feelings that you need to allow and access so that you can move forward, be present in your life, have them pass through you and create a more fulfilling 50 50 balance. ~Choose a clean 50 50. 50 50 balance. ~
~Stop avoiding, resisting, and reacting. Instead, choose a clean 50 50 where you embrace the useful negative on purpose. Instead, choose a clean 50 50 balance where you embrace the useful negative on purpose.~
I have watched this time and time again [00:13:00] with Christian women just like you who go through my coaching programs. They stop fighting the negative and they discover the power of self awareness that they can recognize and allow the emotions that aren't useful to them and instead create useful negative emotions on purpose. This unlocks their courage and that inner self confidence with renewed purpose of how to use the emotion ~in positive ways, ~ in positive, empowering ways. ~And as they do this, it's so beautiful to watch their,~ As they do this, it's so beautiful to watch the self-love within them build because they stop being negative and beating themselves up and they find compassion for those 50 50 days so they can move forward with new hope and new purpose.
~You deserve to,~ You deserve to have that in your life too. The freedom of the 50/50.~ The freedom of the 5050. ~And if you need help doing this, come join The Light Coach community. ~We have newsletters. We have newsletters every week that go out that give you,~ We have newsletters every week that go [00:14:00] out with inspiring tips and tools. There's also a free monthly masterclass to ~help you get in and to help you get in and really understand what this looks like once. And ~help you get in and really understand what this looks like. Or if you're ready to dive deeper and watch the transformation in your life, join one of my programs and we'll show you how to move forward and live lighter one simple step at a time. Your life really can feel lighter as you embrace the freedom of the 50 50 and learn to harness the power of both your positive and your negative emotions.
You are a powerful creator, my friend. Never forget that.
Have a blessed day.
(You are radiant and God wants you to remember that truth. But sometimes you forget. Don't worry. I've got you. I've created some free resources that will help you live lighter and shine brighter. Check out my show notes for the links.)
Each week I do a newsletter that gives you inspirational tips and tools to move forward one simple step at a time. We also jump in on a free monthly masterclass to discover more of that radiant view.
If you are ready to really dive deep and see your life transformed with more self awareness, self confidence, and self love, you can also book a free Live Lighter session where we uncover the patterns where you are being stuck and see the path forward.
However God guides your next steps, know that you are not alone on this journey and we are here ready to support you. I can't wait to see how you discover a more radiant you.)
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