97: Self-Care, Self-Comfort, & Self-Indulgence
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Stephanie - Overdub: [00:00:00] Hello, my friend. Welcome to another episode of Radiant You. I want you to just take a moment and ask yourself this question: How are you feeling? Really just check in for three seconds. Are you tired? Excited? Connected? Nervous? Maybe a little robotic? ~Whatever you're feeling, ~ Whatever you're feeling, give it a one word description. Do you got it? Okay, keep that in mind for just a moment and we'll come back to that in a bit.
But first, I want to share with you a moment I had recently with a dear friend who reached out to me. And she said, ~I can't stop feeling numb. I'm just I can't stop feeling numb. I just, ~ "I can't stop feeling numb. I've been doing a lot of good things in my life and running around helping other people. But the minute that I get home, I just want to check out and read. And I feel [00:01:00] disconnected from myself, numb to my feelings, and just ~struggling to not Turned and and ~struggling to not beat myself up, that all I want to do is run away in a book. But I feel like I'm just checking out and I'm worried that I'm in some sort of addictive cycle. Can you help me figure this out?"
Now, when she shared this with me, my heart was full of compassion and gratitude for this amazing woman because she does so much to help the people around her. She's constantly serving. She has family members that have a lot of needs right now and she is selflessly going out serving them, offering help despite the fact that she's getting older and she's physically struggling to keep up.
Which naturally is making her get home feeling worn out and exhausted needing some rest.
But what's waiting for her when she gets home each day is not self-care or comfort or rest. ~It's more exhaustion because of the guilt that she's going through for taking time. ~
It's more exhaustion created [00:02:00] by the guilt she's dragging around for anything she does to take care of herself. Never experiencing true relaxation.
I'm sure you've had those moments too, where you feel like you are just sprinting and sprinting and sprinting, doing all the things on your to-do list, helping the people that you love, trying to work through your goals. And then at the end of the day, you're just tired.
You know that you've done well, but you still can't seem to relax.
When my sweet friend was reaching out to ask me how to help her through this struggle, she asked a very important question. She told me, "How do I know if it truly is self-care?"
~My answer to her Gave her~ My answer to her, helped her shift from the place she was stuck to a more empowering place where she could tap into her radiant self and move forward with confidence. And I want to give [00:03:00] you that gift too, ~but first we have to make sure you understand a few things, but first it's really important that you understand that there are three different categories of, but first I want it, but first let's lay the ground. I want to offer you that same freedom, but first I want, but first let's explore the three different areas that you're, ~ but first I want to explore some definitions that often get us stuck on what is and isn't self-care. Because there are actually three categories, when most people think it's either self-care or self-indulgence. There's a third category: self-comfort. And knowing this can make all the difference. Here's why.
~First, self-care. self-care is the most basic.~ First, let's talk about self-care. ~This is the most widely accepted, more base. This is the more wide. ~This is the most widely accepted version of taking care of ourselves. We often categorize this in our brain in ways that we are proactively or productive caring for ourselves. ~This caring for ourselves.~
~Most of you listening will at least have done the basics here. Most, ~Most people at least do the basics here, right? ~They take care of their hygiene. They brush their teeth every day.~ They take care of their hygiene. They brush their teeth. They get dressed. They shower. They take care of their food needs and their safety ~and, ~and create support for themselves. ~To thrive the best they can.~
Many will often take it to the next level of self-care where they have routines and goals in place ~so that they, ~so that they have space for ~things like scripture study or rest or the things, the ~things like scripture study or working on [00:04:00] hobbies ~or, or eating healthy food ~ or eating healthy food and exercising. And these self-care actions are all very important, but the problem is most people only categorize it as self-care if it is productive. That's why it's important to see the second category: self-comfort. This less known version of self-love is when you feel tired and sad or lonely, disappointed, those heavier emotions and you need to hold space for you.
This is my friend who is ~running, running, ~running and exhausted at the end of the day ~and needs some and needs some relaxation ~and needs true relaxation. But the problem is when we try and do self-comfort, ~it gets crowded out. ~it often gets crowded out by worry ~that we're not being Productive, that we're being indulgent, ~ that we're not being productive and that because it's not productive, then it must be indulgent. When we take a bath or watch a [00:05:00] show or read a book ~or eat something that ~or eat something that we actually really want to eat, but isn't very good for our body. And so we push away the self-comfort actions, telling ourselves we shouldn't want them until that desire builds up and we just give into it and do it anyway.
And then what do you feel? ~You feel shame, you feel frustration, you feel like, ~ You feel shame, you feel frustration, you feel that resistance again, and so you don't ever get to enjoy the relaxation or the comfort.
~But my friends, self-comfort isn't,~ But my friends, just because something isn't productive doesn't mean it's indulgent. ~When you do it doesn't mean it's indulgent when self-comfort is done for ~When self-comfort is done purposefully, it is actually vital to your mental and emotional health.
So you might be thinking to yourself at this point, okay, then what makes the difference between self-care and self-comfort and then self-indulgence? Let's explore self-indulgence for a little bit.
Despite what you might believe. Indulgence isn't necessarily [00:06:00] just taking part in something that you don't think you should.
So let's explore self-indulgence. The difference of what makes something indulgent is your motive for doing it. Often, self-indulgence is the vehicle for us ~to put a buffer between how we're feeling, is ~ to put a buffer between us and a feeling that we might be experiencing. That tired, exhaustion, disappointed, angry, whatever intense, negative, or heavy emotion you might be feeling. We want to put distance between us and that feeling naturally. And so we do something to try and make it go away. ~We eat about a, ~We eat a bucket of ice cream, we binge on a show or social media, ~or one of the more sneaky ones, ~or one of the more sneaky self indulgent behavior,~ or, a more sneaky self indulgent behavior, we procrastinate by doing other, we procrastinate and distract ourselves. We pro, ~we procrastinate and distract ourselves from the feeling or the thing we don't want to do ~by, with other meth, with,~ with other seemingly good things like organizing our house or checking our email.
*There's a difference between supporting your life with self-care and *[00:07:00] *self-comfort and checking out of your life with self-indulgence.*
~So how do we know with self-indulgence? And that's how you know whether it's, and that's how you know whether it's serving you or not. If you check your motive and say, why am I doing this? Am I running away? It's self-indulgence. ~
~and self-indulgence. ~
My friend, my invitation for you is to give space for self-care and self-comfort. ~So that you don't have ~
~and self indulgence. ~ And when you actually give yourself space, to do more self-care and more self-comfort, ~then you will decrease the need for that buffer. ~Then you will decrease the need and the urge ~to buffer and check out with self indulgent behavior ~to buffer and check out in self indulgent behaviors.
~After I explained this to my sweet friend, she, ~ After I explained this to my sweet friend, ~it was like a light, ~it was like a weight had lifted off of her chest and she felt so much lighter ~and hopeful that she ~ not only because she knew what to do now, but it gave herself space to have permission for self-care and self-comfort without always having to be productive.
~After I shared these truths with my friend, After I sh ~After I shared this with my friend, and helped her see things in a little different way, ~it seriously looked like she had a weight off of her t It seriously felt like a weight ~it seriously looked like she [00:08:00] had an anvil that had been on her chest taken off and lifted.
She tangibly felt lighter. She sent me a message soon after that said, "Thank you so much for our conversation about self-care, self-comfort, and self-indulgence. After talking, I realized that I've always had the belief that I have to be productive or I'm lazy. You opened my eyes to see things differently, recognizing that I could choose what I made things mean. The guilt has now gone and I am now consciously choosing my actions, managing my time. And setting loving, supporting boundaries that help me have self-care and self-comfort. Shifting from where I was to where I am has been eye opening. And I am so grateful. Thank you."
Ah, it just makes me feel full of [00:09:00] joy knowing ~that she is free from that negative, burdening belief. That it, ~that she is free from that negative, limiting, unfulfilling belief. ~Not only because she now knows that she has more options of what to do, but she has permission to have self-comfort without, that she can, she has, ~She's given herself permission to experience self-comfort and true relaxation. It seriously is life changing.
So, my friend, I want that same freedom for you. Take a moment to reflect. ~How are you? Approaching your self-care. ~ How are you approaching your self-care?~ Are you carrying around guilt doing things that support you in self-care and self-care?~ Are you carrying around guilt, worrying that your self-care or your self-comfort ~isn't doing, ~isn't okay because it's not being productive?
~Are you letting your feelings build, not being aware of them until they Until they overcome you and you act out of self-indulgence. ~Are you letting your feelings build so that they feel overwhelming and then you compulsively need to act out of self-indulgence? That's why I asked you to check in with how you felt at the beginning of this episode, because the core of this is an awareness ~of your own feelings and needs. When you are struggling ~ of your own feelings and needs. When you are [00:10:00] struggling, give yourself space for self-comfort. And when you are succeeding, notice what self-care and comfort you're putting in your life to help you move forward with strength. That's one of the most powerful lessons you can learn from self-care is when you stop and look at what you're already doing that's working well, ~acknowledging that and asking, ~acknowledging that and practicing it even more in your life.~ As you do, you will even more in your life. I hope you will take this, I will hope, I hope you will take these simple, ~I hope you will take these mindset shifts from this episode, apply them in your life in a way that actually supports you.
*Here are three simple shifts that can change everything.*
First, check your motives. Are you buffering or are you loving?
Second, brainstorm supportive boundaries. If you make decisions ahead of time about what your boundaries look like around your self-care and your self-comfort, it [00:11:00] releases some of that worry that you're doing it too much or too long. If you, like my friend, like to read, give yourself a timeframe. That's a gift to yourself. It's okay to use that time. Just do it purposefully and it will help clean up some of that negative self-talk. ~And then the third check and then the, and then the third shift is not, and then this, ~
The third shift that can be so powerful is when you take a moment after self-care or ~self-comfort and reflect. And refine. Take a moment after self-care and ~self-comfort, and reflect. How did that go? Was that helpful for me? Do I feel good about it? Am I judging myself for doing it? If there's negativity there, clean it up, ~if there's indulgence there Give yourself some compassion and decide next time what would be more, ~ give yourself some compassion and find a new motive next time that will help you be more supportive of yourself.
Knowing your motives, creating clear boundaries ~and reflecting. ~ and taking time to reflect, will help you create patterns of self-care and self-comfort ~that will, ~that will minimize self-indulgence and maximize your [00:12:00] capacity for good in your life and the lives of others. You'll be able to have your own back, build your self confidence, and show yourself love.
~There's a saying that goes, And build your, and build your self-love without all of the drama. There's a saying that goes, if you don't take, ~There's a saying that goes like this, "if you don't take time to be well, then you will be forced to take time for your illness."
It's time for you to take care of you with more self-love, more self compassion, and maybe a little bit more self-comfort. You are worth investing in you. Take care, my friends. Have a blessed day.
You are radiant! But some days it's hard to remember that truth. If you're ready to live lighter and shine brighter, then head over to www.thelightcoach.com and book a free session to discover what's possible. The radiant you is [00:13:00] within your reach. Let's find her together.
