92: Radiant Self-Confidence
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[00:00:00] Hello my friends. Welcome to another episode of Radiant You. I recently had a dear radiant friend of mine send me a text message with a selfie. Now, you might not think that that's a big deal, but for this friend of mine, it was her second ever selfie.
[00:00:20] You see, she came to me feeling worn out after she had spent years and years in therapy and had tons of tools to try to have a healthy life. But even though she had all of these resources, she never felt like she was doing it right. She was exhausting herself trying to be "healthy" and never really felt that inner confidence that she's so desperately desired. Every time she'd look at herself, she'd just feel frustrated to the point where she wouldn't even take a selfie.
[00:00:56] Have you ever looked in the mirror and just felt deflated, [00:01:00] like you just didn't even want to look at yourself because you're so done with whatever it is that you're not succeeding at.
[00:01:08] You're done trying to get the body that you want.
[00:01:11] You're done wanting to be a better mom or a better wife.
[00:01:15] You feel deflated because the efforts you put in don't feel like they're moving you forward or helping you build a healthy, fulfilling life that you so desperately want.
[00:01:25] You're just kind of worn out.
[00:01:28] For my sweet friend and for any of you that that resonates with your soul, I have good news for you. I know exactly why it is that you are feeling stuck.
[00:01:40] The root cause of this frustration is a lack of self-confidence.
[00:01:45] Now, this is not to be confused with a lack of confidence.
[00:01:50] Self-confidence and confidence are often mixed up and people don't quite understand that they are completely separate things. When we detangle them, [00:02:00] it gives you freedom to move forward without looking back.
[00:02:04] So, let's look at these two terms and see why it's so powerful to understand the difference. First, confidence is based on past evidence that says you can do something. You've ridden a bike before, so you think, "I can do that. I feel confident that I could get on a bike and ride it again." Or somebody asks you to give a presentation that you've already created and it went well last time. "No problem. I feel confident in doing that."
[00:02:28] But that feeling of confidence is rooted in past evidence.
[00:02:32] So naturally when you're thinking about doing something new or trying to move forward on goals where you haven't been succeeding, that past evidence isn't there and your brain gets stuck worrying that you're going to fail.
[00:02:47] You don't need confidence to be able to move forward. What you need is self-confidence.
[00:02:53] Self-confidence is what you have when you are willing and able to move forward, [00:03:00] even if there's no evidence that you can succeed. It's a belief in yourself without any prior proof or evidence.
[00:03:07] And when you were a kid, you probably had a ton of self-confidence. This is when the two year old goes to pour a glass of water and they get it all over, but they're still willing to try.
[00:03:16] Or the first time a little girl puts makeup on herself and looks at you like she's so proud, even though it's all over her face. That self-confidence, willing to try and explore and do new things, is an innate feeling inside of us. But as we learn and grow, we become more aware of failure and criticism from the people around us. And that self-confidence gets buried by worry of other people's opinions and a fear of feeling like we've failed.
[00:03:48] At some point along the way, we shift from self-confidence to confidence. And we're constantly scanning to see if we're good enough or we've done enough, or if their effort was [00:04:00] enough. And that search for enough blocks our courage to move forward.
[00:04:06] Like my sweet friend who was constantly looking and searching for evidence that she was doing it the "right way" to be "healthy" and her brain kept constantly measuring the gap of where she was failing, so she had no chance to feel success and so her confidence fell flat.
[00:04:26] Gratefully, she has now gotten back to a place where she can access her inner self-confidence.
[00:04:35] This shift from confidence to self-confidence is transformational. It helps you detach from the external validations you may be searching for in your life and instead become dependent on your inner God given radiance.
[00:04:52] When you unlock this type of self-confidence, it helps you rewrite your relationship with failure. You don't make it mean [00:05:00] that you're not good enough or that you've lost some of your value when you fail. It doesn't mean when you yell at your kids that you're a bad mom. It's simply feedback that helps you shift and know what you want to try next.
[00:05:14] This type of self-confidence also requires that you train your brain to see what you have gained, not just the gap from where you are to where you want to be. It gives you permission to celebrate your successes along the way. It's not all or nothing. It's an opportunity to learn and grow.
[00:05:35] And the only way that that's possible is the other piece of self-confidence where you practice having your own back, no matter what happens. That when you don't show up and exercise, even though you promised yourself you would, you don't sit and beat yourself up and tell yourself you're terrible and you're never going to get it right.
[00:05:52] You have your back. You give yourself compassion and you recommit to say, "We didn't do [00:06:00] it last time, but we're not going to base our next choice on that past evidence. We have a new chance to create, to move forward, and we're recommitting today."
[00:06:11] It's living in the present, being mindful of the choices you have.
[00:06:17] One of my favorite self-confident questions is, "So what? Now what?" It doesn't matter what's happened in the past. What do you want to do now?
[00:06:27] As you practice building this self-confidence, you'll see that you believe in yourself again and opportunities will open up to you for you to find success.
[00:06:38] Your relationship with fear will totally change and it will just be a tool to help you tap into your courage. You'll be able to believe in yourself again, like my friend did when she confidently took a picture of herself and sent it to me.
[00:06:53] That moment made me cry knowing that she had finally given herself space to [00:07:00] see her beautiful, radiant self.
[00:07:04] My friend said this about her journey, "The biggest difference I noticed right away in my life was my capacity to let go of self judgment and just let my learning be what it was going to be, which freed me to use the powerful tools that Stephanie presented. I now firmly know what I believe and am actively using that knowledge to consistently and imperfectly find joy one day at a time."
[00:07:33] That is self-confidence: a transformational experience that brings freedom. Freedom from past struggles. Freedom from worrying that you're going to do it wrong. Freedom from the fear of failing. Freedom to create and become just like you used to feel when you were a child. Excited about life.
[00:07:57] That's the power of self-confidence.[00:08:00]
[00:08:00] My friend, how is your self-confidence?
[00:08:04] Do you believe in your ability to succeed?
[00:08:09] Do you have a relationship with fear and failure that is keeping you stuck, hiding your capacity and the divinity in you to learn and grow and serve this world?
[00:08:22] Or do you take care of yourself along the way when you have your moments of struggle.
[00:08:27] No matter where you are on your journey with self-confidence, there's always a place where you can improve and move forward with more radiance: redefining your relationship with yourself and building your self-confidence.
[00:08:42] Embracing that self-confidence will transform your life and unlock the radiance that is already there within you.
[00:08:53] My friend can now look in the mirror and see her imperfect, beautiful, radiant [00:09:00] self. And she takes a selfie not to prove that she's beautiful or share it with social media and hope that they like it. She doesn't need that anymore.
[00:09:10] Her radiant self-confidence allows her to have her own back and you can too.
[00:09:17] You can step into a life of radiant self-confidence unburdened by the fear of failure.
[00:09:25] It takes a little bit of proactive effort, but I promise you it's so worth it.
[00:09:31] If you're not sure how, don't worry, I've got you. We're going to explore this together on this podcast. So keep listening and I will do my best to teach you how to build it one simple step at a time.
[00:09:45] Or if you're ready to just dive in deep and move forward with courage, book a call with me and we can explore together.
[00:09:54] Whatever your path I can't wait to see how self-confidence transforms [00:10:00] your life.
[00:10:00] We need you to keep shining, my friend, because no matter how much you want to hide sometimes, you are radiant and this world needs your light.
[00:10:12] Keep shining, my friend, and have a blessed day.
[00:10:16] You are radiant! But some days it's hard to remember that truth. If you're ready to live lighter and shine brighter, then head over to www.thelightcoach.com and book a free session to discover what's possible. The radiant you is within your reach. Let's find her together.
