91: The Power of Self-Awareness
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[00:00:03] Hello my friends, welcome to another episode of Radiant You. How has your year been going already? Lots of people have set different goals, picked different words they want to focus on this year, and started that progress forward. Unfortunately, many of us haven't made very much progress so far.
[00:00:22] We might be feeling frustrated with ourselves for the lack of forward movement. I was actually speaking with a friend last night when I asked her how things were going. She said, "Well, it was pretty good at the beginning of the year, but I've set some goals and I don't think I've even made progress on one of them. My heart sank a little bit because I know this wonderful woman has such a desire to have a fulfilling, productive life.
[00:00:48] It reminded me of another friend of mine who came to me in 2021 seeking relief from grief that had been following her for years.
[00:00:57] You see, her husband had died years [00:01:00] before. And despite her deeply rooted faith, years of therapy, and all of the "textbook" knowledge of knowing what to do in response to this, she still couldn't shake that heavy grief cloud that just kept popping up in her life.
[00:01:17] In her own words, she said, "I knew enough to see where some of it was coming from, but I didn't know what to do next. I had processed it so many times, but I didn't know how else to approach it or how to move forward."
[00:01:35] Have you ever felt like my friend, where there's something in your life that you just want to be done with? It's that cloud that keeps following you that no matter what you do and how hard you try, you just never feel like it's going to go away. And it leaves you feeling frustrated and exhausted and doubting yourself, maybe even feeling angry and struggling with your desire to work on any of [00:02:00] your goals— to feel that forward movement.
[00:02:04] *Like my friend, you might feel stuck simply because you're only partially self-aware. You know enough to know that something is off and* *isn't quite right, but you're not sure why. And you don't know what to do to help you move forward. *
[00:02:22] In my last episode, we briefly discussed the importance of taking self-awareness to the next level. Not just knowing your thoughts and feelings and actions, but knowing how they affect each other and how to create them on purpose. This is expansive self-awareness, and it's one of the key principles that is vital to unlock your radiant you.
[00:02:49] Expansive self-awareness expands your understanding and your capacity, it helps you be aware of what choices you have and how to make purposeful choices so [00:03:00] that you can move forward.
[00:03:01] When my friend came to me and started experiencing the power of this type of self-awareness, she said these words:
[00:03:10] _"I thought all of those years the problem was grief. You helped me see that it was really my resistance to the grief that was keeping me stuck. I now feel competent and self-confidence that I'm working in good ways, able to see my fears, and instead of being hostage to them, I can recognize the dysfunction and step away from it. God brought this to me when I didn't even know that I desperately needed this help. Thank you."_
[00:03:46] It just touches my heart to think about her journey and how grateful I am that she's not stuck in those patterns anymore. And I want to share with you today some of the key principles of how to add [00:04:00] expansive self-awareness to your life.
[00:04:02] Before we dive into that, there's something you need to understand that affects everything that I will teach today. It's called the model. These are your life models that you experience thousands of times a day. And it's such a powerful concept that I created a podcast episode to make sure that you fully understand it (episode number 83), so check that out if you want more information on the model.
[00:04:27] But for time's sake, we're just going to review the main principles of this powerful model. There are five parts of each model, circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions. and results. And the core, most important part of understanding the model is that circumstances are things that happen outside of you: your environment, other people's actions, things that happen in your day to day life. And that those circumstances do not [00:05:00] control how you think, feel, and act. You get to influence that and the more you are aware of how the pieces of the model interact with each other, the more you can create thoughts, feelings, and actions on purpose.
[00:05:15] Another core principle of the model is understanding its sequencing. There's a circumstance that happens, and then you have a thought about that circumstance. Your thoughts trigger feelings in your body, and then those feelings drive the actions you take in your everyday life.
[00:05:35] So it's not the circumstance. that creates that domino effect. It's your thoughts about the circumstance. And this is amazing news because if that's the truth, then you are not dependent on the things around you for you to think, feel, and act the way that you want to so that you can create those fulfilling patterns in your life and have the results that [00:06:00] you actually desire
[00:06:02] To help you wrap your head around this a little bit more, let's go back to the example of my friend whose husband had passed away.
[00:06:09] The fact that her husband had died a few years ago was the circumstance. And for years she had been blaming this grief cloud on the fact that her husband had died and been feeling like there was nothing she could do about it. The grief was just going to keep coming and keep coming. And she had no control over whether or not she was going to be in grief.
[00:06:31] But after we explored together what her model was, she realized that every time she felt that grief come up, she had the thought, "I should be over this grief by now!" But when she thought that, she felt resistant. And that resistance would drive her actions to push against that grief, to avoid feeling anything because she was scared of that grief popping up and didn't want to feel the shame that it wasn't gone by now.[00:07:00]
[00:07:00] That action of pulling in emotionally and trying to resist her feelings disconnected her from the people around her, leading her to be more of a robot and not really being present in her everyday life. She felt shallow in her connections with herself, with others, and with God. And she just kept trying to make her life full of busy things so that she wasn't frustrated with this grief cloud. Can you see how that thought was driving the feelings and the actions that in the end gave her a result of emotional flooding, feeling worn out, less fulfilled and lonely? In fact, she was giving herself more reasons to feel grief.
[00:07:45] *It wasn't her husband's death that was keeping the grief present in her life all these years. It was her resistance to the grief. *
[00:07:57] And when she realized this, her life [00:08:00] unfolded in so many powerful ways. She gave herself space instead to feel, to allow that grief, that it's okay that it was there, but that she could also create intentional thoughts and feelings that would help her find fulfillment and connection and forward movement in her life.
[00:08:22] Together, we explored the difference between clean and dirty pain, how clean pain is allowing your feelings and holding space for them in ways that are healing; while dirty pain is when you resist it or flee from it or even fuel the feeling so that it becomes overwhelming. But she didn't want to live in dirty pain anymore. She gave space for clean pain, allowing her feelings and using them as a superpower for self discovery and empowerment.
[00:08:55] After practicing that level of expansive self-awareness for a while, [00:09:00] she was able to learn other powerful tools, like how to understand her natural brain and why she was feeling pulled to do certain things that she didn't need to feel shame about. She just needed to understand so that she could respond in responsible ways. Understanding those natural tendencies also helped her see the different inner dialogue she was having and how to shift the patterns that she had automatically been using for multiple years.
[00:09:29] As she did, she learned to set internal boundaries that kept her brain clear, her spirit present, and her connection to herself, to others, and to God tangible and strong.
[00:09:45] I get excited thinking about these tools in her life and want you to have them too. So don't worry. We're going to be going through them in future episodes. And I actually included a worksheet in the show notes to this episode that can help you start working on your [00:10:00] expansive self-awareness. So make sure you check that out
[00:10:02] Because I want you to have results like my amazing friend. She stopped resisting and trying to control all of her feelings. Instead, she had intentional thoughts, space to feel, and knew what her natural reactions were going to be so she could have her back ahead of time. She also opened up and saw the power of choosing to respond instead of reacting and falling into her natural patterns.
[00:10:31] Again in her own words, she said, "I now feel competent and self-confident that I'm working in good ways. I'm able to see my fears and instead of being a hostage to them, I can recognize the dysfunction and step away from it."
[00:10:53] That is expansive self-awareness. You deserve to have it in [00:11:00] your life, too.
[00:11:01] Where are you at in your journey of expansive self-awareness?
[00:11:06] Are you aware of your thoughts and your feelings?
[00:11:10] When you recognize the feelings, are you responding with clean pain or dirty paint?
[00:11:17] Do you intentionally generate thoughts and feelings that will help you create the actions and the results that you want in your life?
[00:11:26] If not, then you're probably feeling stuck, unsure how to get out of it, wondering why you're still not feeling fulfilled at the end of the day.
[00:11:37] My friend, it's because you haven't tapped into your Radiant You, the part of you that can create—just like your Divine Father. It's time for you to grow your expansive self-awareness so that you can create a more intentional, fulfilling, [00:12:00] radiant life.
[00:12:02] If you don't know how. I've got you.
[00:12:06] Check out the worksheet that I've added to the show notes or hop on a call with me so we can explore how you can live lighter together.
[00:12:15] Don't stay trapped for years like my friend.
[00:12:19] Find the freedom to move forward.
[00:12:23] It's going to be an amazing year. Have a blessed day, my friend. You are radiant! But some days it's hard to remember that truth. If you're ready to live lighter and shine brighter, then head over to www.thelightcoach.com and book a free session to discover what's possible. The radiant you is within your reach. Let's find her together.
