[00:00:00] Hello, my friends. Welcome to another episode of Shining Through. Can you believe that right around the corner is Thanksgiving and Christmas and all of the holiday things? And that brings such beautiful connections and fun and memories that can last forever.
[00:00:20] But the holiday also often brings headaches. What gives you a holiday headache? Is it burnout from the stress of decorating and cooking and planning and buying the gifts and trying to make other people have a good experience? Or maybe it's the financial struggles that you feel like your kids or your loved ones are going to be unfulfilled, and you feel like you're just going to let them down because you don't feel like you have enough to make it a special holiday.
[00:00:49] Or maybe there's some intense grief, missing someone who won't be able to be there this holiday season, or you're feeling alone and wishing that it could look different than it probably is going to look this year.
[00:01:02] Study after study has shown that this time of year is a stressful time for many, many people. The statistics say that women are often more stressed because they feel some of the burden of that family dynamic and they have a harder time relaxing.
[00:01:19] So, naturally, they fall into these bad habits trying to manage that stress, like comfort eating or pulling in emotionally to try and robotically accomplish everything on their to-do list.
[00:01:31] Studies also show that the intensity of the emotion at this time is what causes a lot of stress. It's really high highs or really low lows.
[00:01:39] All of these thoughts and feelings can pile up on top of each other, not to mention that family member that you know is going to be part of the festivities, but they always add stress to the holidays.
[00:01:52] As you think about all of this, does it just make you feel that tenseness in your shoulders and that scrunchiness in your neck, holding your breath, trying to just hang on for the ride?
[00:02:03] I know that it makes many of my clients feel that way when they think about the holiday season.
[00:02:08] So of course there's a holiday headache that tends to come this time of year. And your brain knows that. There's a part of your brain that's job is to keep you alive, to conserve your energy, and to reduce the pain in your life.
[00:02:24] So when holidays start to come, that animal brain kicks in on hyperdrive and it wants to predict and preserve and control all the things around you. But the truth is, when you let the reactive animal brain drive, it doesn't help you thrive.
[00:02:42] *So what's the cure for this holiday headache? The cure is for you to be in charge of your brain. *
[00:02:50] And it's not as hard as you might think that it would be. It's not about doing more, because what you're doing comes from what you're feeling and what you're feeling comes from what you're thinking.
[00:03:02] If you're already feeling stressed about the holidays, take a moment to just acknowledge the thoughts that might be going on in your mind.
[00:03:10] What are you stressing about?
[00:03:12] What are you afraid of?
[00:03:14] What are you naturally reacting to?
[00:03:17] Usually it's not something that you can control. And when we let go of that and focus on what we want to create for ourselves, that is the most empowering thing You can do
[00:03:32] *And if you simply take five minutes to think about what you want to focus on this holiday season, you will avoid so many of the holiday headaches.*
[00:03:44] Here's an example from one of my amazing clients that I worked with right before Thanksgiving last year. She was really worried because she had a bunch of her family coming to her house and she was the one hosting and creating the experience. They had traditions that they did as a family and traditionally they had some people who would push against those traditions and not want to be part of the group.
[00:04:06] And she was feeling anxious just thinking about trying to help it be a unified, connected experience for everybody involved. And as we dug through it, she realized that she didn't want people to argue and she didn't want people to feel left out. And she was trying to carry the vision for everyone. And other people's experience was feeling like it was personal for her. When we uncovered these fears and thoughts that were going on in her head, it was like a breath of fresh air just washed over her as she realized she didn't have to manage anybody else's experience except for her own. And together we uncovered what really truly mattered to her. A few moments of reflection and defining what success for her looked like was this simple focus:
[00:04:57] "Everything I do this holiday season, I want it to be from a place of love: love for the people who don't normally participate, love for myself when I'm feeling frustrated and need to take time aside, love to be available for those who come and want to connect and create those memories that will naturally be lasting and fulfilling."
[00:05:18] And when I talked to her shortly after Thanksgiving and asked her how it went, she was beaming. She said, "It wasn't perfect. There were ups and downs and things that went wrong, but I kept asking myself, 'How can I come from a place of love?' and that focus gave my brain a job, and I didn't go into all of the reactive, negative responding, trying to control all the things. I was in charge of me, and it made it such a great holiday."
[00:05:46] My friend, what is the focus that will help you be in charge of your holiday season? What is it that you want to create? Is it love? Is it connection? Is it peace? Is it flexibility? Maybe it's joy. Whatever it is, you have to drop the headache of controlling other people.
[00:06:12] Take a moment to purposefully choose what to focus on this holiday season.
[00:06:17] You can push pause and do it right now or put an alarm in your phone to remind you before bed tonight to simply ask yourself, "What do I want to create this holiday season?"
[00:06:27] Then when you have one of those moments where your brain starts reacting and wanting to control, you can take a breath, remember what you want to create, and refocus your thoughts on what is important to you.
[00:06:42] I promise that as you do, it can transform your holiday experience by giving your brain a job instead of slipping into the default negative holiday headache. It will also focus you on what you actually can influence. It will help you recognize and celebrate your successes along the way because you know what it is that success looks like for you.
[00:07:05] *This holiday season does not have to be a headache. *
[00:07:08] Tap into that higher brain so that the values that matter to you can shine through. It only takes a few minutes. But it makes lasting, positive holiday memories.
[00:07:20] You can do this, my friend. I believe in you this holiday season and success might actually be simpler than you thought it was going to be. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend. Have a blessed week.
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