[00:00:00] Hey, welcome to Today's TLC. Whether you found this podcast on my website, through the emails I send, or simply from a friend, I'm glad that you've decided to add some TLC today.
[00:00:15] You know that moment when you can feel energy just flowing through your body—you feel alive and ready to go conquer the world? I'm feeling some of that today, because I know that I get to record this episode about The Model.
[00:00:32] When I first heard about the model, it was like someone went into my brain and realized that all the lights had been off for years, that I had been stumbling around trying to navigate in a place that I couldn't really see what was going on. And the model gave me a lens to walk into my mind, turn on all the lights, and see what was actually going on. And although that was a little bit overwhelming at times it was so freeing. It gave me space to explore, learn, and grow; and it gave me back power to change my life. Boy did it change my life —to the point where I decided to get certified as a life coach through Brooke Castillo's Life Coach School, because she was the one who created the tool of the model in such a clear, simple, usable way.
[00:01:28] So here's a shout out to Brooke for creating the model, a shout out to Jody Moore for creating a podcast and sharing the model (which is where I heard it for the first time), and I shout out to all of the mental and emotional health professionals that have paved the way so that we can understand more about our minds, about our hearts, and about our lives.
[00:01:51] Before I teach the model to you, I want to take a moment to have a little heart to heart. I want you to really listen for just a moment to the heart of the message that I'm about to share. Like you're sitting on my couch and we're just chatting as friends and I'm telling you something that's really valuable to me, because this is my main message as the light coach.
[00:02:13] My friend... This tool is something that will give you so much perspective. It will help you see more clearly, understand your thoughts and your feelings. It will give you framework to move forward on your goals and recognize why things are happening in your life. That's why I really want to give this tool to you.
[00:02:36] I have also seen so many times in my own life and in the lives of many others that I've witnessed that a misuse of this model can bring people to disconnect a little from the light that is within them that is guiding them. Whatever you call that light—whether it's the light of Christ; whether it's your intuition or your conscience; whether it's your spirit... that light inside you is tangible and real and has more knowledge than anything a textbook can say, anything a mental and emotional health professional can teach you.
[00:03:15] Remember that light as you practice this model. If you do, it can be a tool of transformation that will grow your light and grow your access to listen to that light. But if you lose sight of that light while using this model, you will be left without the guidance that you need to truly shine your most authentic light.
[00:03:42] Now, if you were sitting on the couch next to me, I'd grab your hand and I'd smile at you and say, okay. Now that you've listened to my soapbox. Let's invite the light to help us learn.
[00:03:53] I'm tapping into mine. You got yours? All right. Here's the model.
[00:04:00] If you've listened to my previous episodes, I've sprinkled little pieces of this all throughout them to help you get used to some of the ideas that make up the model.
[00:04:10] For example:
[00:04:12] _Don't slip into storytelling; focus on the facts. _
[00:04:16] _Belief is just a thought that you've practiced thinking. _
[00:04:21] _Circumstances can't create your feelings; your thoughts create your feelings. _
[00:04:28] _Everything you do is to create or avoid a feeling._
[00:04:32] _Want to see if your actions are useful? Check your results._
[00:04:37] I could talk for hours about each of these principles and how they can affect your life, but let's make it simple here with the model.
[00:04:45] *The model has five different parts: 1) Circumstances, 2) Thoughts, 3) Feelings, 4) Actions, and 5) Results. *
[00:04:53] Understanding these five parts will help you know what is fueling your life. If you use different fuel, you're going to get different results. So let's help you understand what is fueling you.
[00:05:05] The first part of the model is circumstances._ Circumstances are things in the world that are outside of us. They're outside of our control, like the weather, what other people say and do, or who happens to be the president. _
[00:05:18] Naturally, we're going to want to change circumstances to help us feel better. But, we really can't control things outside of ourselves. And, the good news, you don't have to: because how you experience the world is in your thoughts.
[00:05:33] That's the second part of the model thoughts. _A thought is simply the meaning your brain gives to a circumstance. _
[00:05:41] Now we're grateful that we have thoughts that are more complex and meaningful. It's what makes us more advanced and evolved than other species on the planet. God gave us that capacity to really experience and learn from what's going on around us. But sometimes our thoughts can make things kind of muddy and unclear.
[00:06:00] That's why it's so important for us to learn how to manage our thoughts. _Especially because our thoughts create our feelings_.
[00:06:10] That's the next part of the model: _feelings_.
[00:06:12] _A feeling is our body's response to our thoughts._ I like to think of it as a one word description of the vibration of energy in my body. Feelings are very important. They are a natural navigation system that tells us what's going on mentally and spiritually.
[00:06:31] Feelings also drive our actions: the next part of the model.
[00:06:37] _Actions are what we're doing or not doing_ and how we do them is effected by while we're feeling. We are wired to seek things that feel good and avoid things that feel bad.
[00:06:50] Can you see why it's so important for you to understand your feelings and the thoughts that are causing them?
[00:06:56] All of these parts of the model, (the circumstance, thought, feeling, and action) weave together to create the last part of the model: results. _The results of your life are what you have created because of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. _
[00:07:14] We often want to blame our results on whatever circumstance is happening. But, remember, you create your experience by your thoughts. Those thoughts drive your feelings, which lead you to different actions. That is what is creating the results of your life? Your models.
[00:07:35] That's why I was so excited today to teach you about the model. Learning how to use this tool to understand and create new models can be so empowering. It can help you see what's going on in your life and why. It I can also show you the cause of why you are not getting the results that you want —goals that you've been working on for years trying this strategy and that fad diet, these 10 ways to have a better relationship... All of these action-based suggestions forget about the thoughts and feelings that drive the actions in the first place. Knowing this can be a game-changer. Let's look at a simple example to help this be a little bit more tangible.
[00:08:24] In last week's episode, I talked about setting boundaries while in traffic. Using that example, I'm going to walk you through two possible models of how you might experience that circumstance.
[00:08:38] When doing a model, we want to start with the circumstance being really facty and boring. _(Remember circumstances are simply the facts about the situation that are outside of your control.)_ Now, if I say that the circumstance is that I'm in traffic, someone might interpret traffic differently than I would interpret traffic. It's not a clean model if the circumstance can have multiple interpretations.
[00:09:05] In this situation, let's say we're on the freeway and we're going 20 miles per hour.
[00:09:11] Notice right away that there's no story about what that means. There could be a million ways that people think or feel about being on the freeway at 20 miles per hour.
[00:09:23] If I'm rushing to a meeting and I have a big presentation, I'm going to be thinking and feeling a different way than if I'm driving home and I know there's a pile of dishes in my sink, and I'm hoping that maybe my husband will get to them before I get home.
[00:09:38] We are all dynamic people with differing values and experiences that influence how we think and feel about any situation. Understanding how you typically respond will give you power to create results that you want.
[00:09:54] Alright, so if our circumstance is 20 miles per hour on the freeway, how do you feel when you're on the freeway at 20 miles per hour? Are you a little frustrated, impatient, maybe anxious?
[00:10:08] What you're feeling isn't coming from going 20 miles per hour. It's coming from what you're thinking. Let's assume that you're thinking, _"Ugh! I'm going to be late!"_ What do you think you will feel if you are thinking you're going to be late? You're probably going to feel anxious (or something similar to that). And what do you do when you feel anxious while driving? Maybe you sit up taller, grab the steering wheel tighter, and analyze what's going on around you. Maybe you're a little heavy on the gas and the brake, anxiously moving your car, judging or blaming the people around you, seeing all of their mistakes, and adding to your anxiety and frustration. Then the second that the traffic clears you slam on the gas and you're out of there.
[00:10:55] Can you relate to this anxious feeling —that intense vibration that goes through your body?
[00:11:01] When you're like that, are you doing your best to driving? Is your mind in a place to help you be safe? Or, are you doing things that'll probably increase your chances of a car accident? Or a speeding ticket? Or missing your exit while you're so worried about your surroundings? These are all possible results of this model that you could create, which would then give you a result of being even later. That thought, _"I'm going to be late!"_ increases your chances of being late.
[00:11:40] Another result of this anxious model. Is that when you get to wherever you were going, your mind and your ability to be present will not show up with you when you get there. It will take even longer for you to feel present, connected and available, confident and clear.
[00:11:59] Whether you were going to a meeting, picking your kids up from school, or even going to church, you might arrive there on time but your subconscious will be late.
[00:12:10] All of this is optional. If you understand how to use the tool of the model, you can recognize these patterns in your life and see that the results are not useful to you.
[00:12:24] Let's look at another possibility of a model that could be more useful to you.
[00:12:29] When we run models, we keep the circumstance the same because the circumstance does not have to change for you to get a different result.
[00:12:36] In this new model, the circumstance is still that we're going 20 miles per hour on the freeway.
[00:12:42] What possible thought could be useful in this circumstance?
[00:12:48] There are millions of thoughts that could be useful. What's one that you can think of that might be useful to you? _It needs to be something that you truly do believe or it won't create an authentic, useful feeling. _
[00:13:01] There are a few thoughts that I love to use when I'm in a situation that I can't control, like traffic.
[00:13:07] Here's one of my favorites: _God is in control. _
[00:13:11] If I'm going 20 miles per hour on the freeway and I feel myself wanting to get anxious, taking a breath and purposefully thinking, _"God is in control,"_ creates a feeling of peaceful surrender for me.
[00:13:26] Think about how different you would show up if you had that peaceful surrender instead of the anxiety from the previous model. If you're late for a meeting, or to pick up your kids from school, or to go to church... the circumstance is still the same. But, your mind is focused on a thought that is useful to you: _God is in control_. That will bring a feeling of peace.
[00:13:52] How will you show up if you have that peace? You might choose to do something useful, like put on a podcast to help you pass the time or reach out to someone to let them know you'll be late. You'll definitely have more presence of mind to keep yourself safe and surrender what the other cars are doing.
[00:14:13] What results would come from this peaceful place acknowledging that God is in control? Your result will be that you have control of you and you will arrive at the destination with all of you, instead of leaving your sanity back on the freeway.
[00:14:31] Which of these two models would you rather experience? Notice that the circumstance did not change.
[00:14:40] You changed. That's the power of the model.
[00:14:46] Alright, let's go back to that couch where we're sitting and chatting about the model.
[00:14:51] You might be excited about this new tool and wanting to try it out. Or maybe a little confused because there's some pieces of it that are new to you and you need to still figure out how you feel about it. All of that is beautiful, it's part of the experience.
[00:15:05] I want to also give you a heads up about another piece of this experience that is often true for people. Because the tool of the model can be so powerful in understanding and creating our results, it's really tempting to want to use it to try and control everything.
[00:15:24] Logic tells you that if your thoughts create your feelings, actions, and results, then we need to hyper-focus on controlling our thoughts. Now you're welcome to go and try, but the truth is that the average person has over 60,000 thoughts a day and you will drive yourself crazy, trying to control all of your thoughts.
[00:15:45] The goal is to start seeing patterns of how we typically think about different situations; patterns that can teach us more about ourselves and show us where we might need some work. _Proactive awareness is the goal. _You will also start recognizing different parts of the model at different times. If you're willing to be curious and pay attention, you'll see a feeling that you're having, or notice some actions that are a pattern for you. You might see a result that you don't really like, and you wonder what else could be possible with a different model.
[00:16:24] These are all beautiful ways to explore, *but don't forget the light*.
[00:16:31] As you go and explore your models, remember to tap into that light from within. That's where your true wisdom will come. It will guide you to know which models are creating the most damage in your life. It will also inspire you with models that you might not even realize have power for you and can help you move forward with confidence.
[00:16:57] *Here's today's TLC: practice looking for models in your life with curiosity, light, and love.*
[00:17:08] This will help you avoid slipping to a place of control or wanting to tell other people about their models. This will also help reduce any shame you feel about models that you find that have created hardships in your life that probably could have been avoided. Let the past be behind you. You did the best with the knowledge that you knew then and you have new knowledge now.
[00:17:35] New knowledge that can truly transform your life if you explore your models with curiosity, light, and love.
[00:17:47] I promise that as you do, you will have greater access to the light within you and clearer eyes to see the wonderful life that God has crafted for you.
[00:18:01] Life after therapy can be simple. Come learn how to think light, feel light, and live light at www.thelightcoach.com. I offer five free discovery sessions each week and one of them is for you. Together, let's discover the joy that's possible in life after therapy.
