[00:00:00] Welcome back. We talked about coaching versus therapy last time and today I wanted to talk a little bit about the roadmap of the 4 Rs.
[00:00:11] Years ago when I first started thinking about becoming a life coach, a coach offered to take me to lunch and pick her brain about what she had learned over the years as she's been coaching. It was super nice of her. And After chatting for a while, she said something that really hit home to me. She shared that when she first started coaching, she didn't quite have a way to articulate the pattern that she had seen in the journey of these women.
[00:00:37] Time and time again, she'd watch women go through similar ups and downs, similar awareness phases, and it wasn't until years into her practice that she captured it in a way that could help these women know what a typical journey even looked like. I remember after going through therapy for years myself wanting to transition to the next phase, but not knowing what that even was. I desperately wanted to talk to people who had already moved forward, but I didn't know where to find them.
[00:01:09] I just wanted someone to outline for me the typical healing journey.
[00:01:13] Unfortunately for me, it took years to find anyone who could answer that question for me.
[00:01:19] This lunch with this coach was one of the pieces that I've gathered from many walks of life and through the experiences of my clients to create what I hope will paint a clearer picture of what your healing journey might be looking like.
[00:01:34] Now I understand if you have some resistance to a one size fits all prescription; this is definitely not one of those. Please don't think that I'm telling you what your journey needs to look like. I also think if you open your mind and approach this with curiosity, you might just find the next step for your journey.
[00:01:53] Since life is a journey, let's continue the metaphor through what I call the four R's Roadmap. Let's start by going over the 4 Rs: *1) Recognize, 2) Redirect, 3) Refine, and 4) Ripple*.
[00:02:09] *1) Recognize:*
[00:02:11] The first step in any healing journey is to recognize that something is off. You can't journey forward, unless you're willing to take an honest look at where you're at. Recognizing could range from finally accepting that you have a serious problem to an honest reflection that you're not following through on your goals. This step can be done with shame or it can be done with curiosity. The more curious and willing we can be, the more we will be able to move into step two...
[00:02:45] *2) Redirect: *
[00:02:47] Once you know where you're at and you recognize now you got to know where you want to go. If you're honest that you feel compulsive and you turn to food when you're emotionally struggling, you recognize that, it gives you the freedom to say where you want to go next, to redirect.
[00:03:06] This can be a specific goal, like losing 10 pounds; it can be a lifestyle change of wanting to eat healthier; it can simply be a desire to increase your awareness of what you're already eating. But just like any journey, it doesn't matter where you go next if you don't even know where you want to end up. Thank you "life lesson" from the Cheshire cat, from Alice in Wonderland.
[00:03:28] Many people can get stuck at this step. They're willing to recognize where they are and they've redirected their gaze to where they want to go, but they feel a little bit stuck not knowing how to get there.
[00:03:40] I want you to think about it like a GPS that you know, where your starting point is, and you know where your ending point is. You think you can do a straight shot and just go in a straight line, and although that would be ideal, 99% of the time life doesn't work like that. It's not a straight clean shot from where you are to where you want to go. This is one of the reasons why people get stuck in therapy because they go and they hear all of these amazing tools and they see, they recognize where the mess is and they know where they're trying to redirect to: they want to have healthy relationships, they want to know how to use appropriate boundaries, they're hungry for relationships that aren't codependent; they recognize their reality and they see the ideal, but they struggle to know how to get from one to the other.
[00:04:28] This is where we introduce step three...
[00:04:31] *3) Refine.*
[00:04:33] The refining process along the way is the other steps that that GPS tells you to take along the route. You got to turn left here and go straight for a bit, and then you got to course-correct back to the right, and it's back and forth along the way, recognizing and redirecting while you're progressing forward (or taking a few steps backwards and recalibrating and that's okay). That refining process, a lot of times gets dropped because it can become exhausting if your mind is not in the right place.
[00:05:05] Have you ever been driving where the person in the passenger seat is constantly nagging at you that you're doing it wrong? Is it fun to drive like that?
[00:05:15] I know it's not fun for me, even though sometimes I tend to be a passenger driver, but you know, we just won't talk to my husband about that... But really though, it's no fun to try and drive if you've got a negative voice constantly nagging you. So people don't do it. They see where they are and they see where they want to go, but once they start moving forward and trying to practice, they either don't feel like they know whether to turn left or right or they beat themselves up along the way and then they give up because they're tired of hearing that negative voice.
[00:05:46] *True healing comes when you embrace the refining phase: refining your relationship with the journey, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with your goal along the way. *
[00:06:00] That refining process takes some effort and it takes some time. It requires self-compassion and patience. It also requires momentum and commitment.
[00:06:12] All of these are learned skills that life will teach you organically along the way if you're willing to listen. This refining phase is also a lot of people get a life coach, because it's easier to know where you're at on your journey if someone else has an aerial view where they can see things that you can't. They're not going to drive your car for you, but they can help guide your journey and get you to the place you were trying to redirect to.
[00:06:39] Now, any seasoned therapist, coach, support person will tell you that you will never arrive. There's not a place in life where you can check the box that you have healed and there's no more growth. Because life is a journey, where we learn and grow with lesson after lesson after lesson. So this is not a linear path of recognize, redirect, refine, and then we're done. You go in and out as you refine.
[00:07:08] One of the ways to embrace this process is to remember the fourth step...
[00:07:13] *4) Ripple.*
[00:07:14] If you touch a surface of water, there will be ripples that go out from that center point— ripples that happen in your life. This touch can be one of the first three phases recognizing redirecting or refining, and it will have effects on your life that you might not even know. But after a while, the rings from that ripple get farther and farther away from where you touched the water. It requires that you touch it again for that ripple to start again.
[00:07:44] Step four is seeing the ripples in your life and seeing where you want more ripples. It is also recognizing that you have a light and an influence within you that ripples out for the people around you. Choosing to ripple on purpose is one of the most empowering pieces of your healing journey. With that forward focus, you can see new opportunities to be your best you.
[00:08:12] At this phase in your healing journey, it can be exciting to see where else you can have an effect in your life. If you had worked on your relationship with food, what about your relationship with your family? What about your relationship with God? What about your relationship with yourself? You see those ripples going out with each new path you choose to walk?
[00:08:35] But then there's a rock and you stumble on it again and you feel like, "Ugh, I don't know how to do this. I thought I had healed and I, and I want to move forward and I just don't feel like it today," *and then you remember the four Rs Roadmap. *What can you recognize now? Where do you want to redirect? What refining would be helpful along the way? And watch for the ripples.
[00:09:01] Whether you're just starting on your healing journey or whether you're a veteran and you've been here for a while, these 4 Rs can help you move forward with confidence. Each holds a ray of light guiding you forward on your journey.
[00:09:15] *Here's today's TLC:* *Take a moment to zoom out and think about which step would help you right now. *
[00:09:22] Do you need to be honest and recognize something?
[00:09:25] Are you wandering a little aimlessly without a direction on where to go next?
[00:09:31] Do you have a goal that you're working towards, but the way you're doing it, isn't honoring yourself or those around you. Maybe you need to refine a little.
[00:09:40] Or maybe you've already been doing those steps and you need to give yourself the gift to see the ripples that are already happening. How far you've already come! The light you're already sharing with those around you.
[00:09:54] Each step is important. They are all needed in your healing journey.
[00:09:58] I hope that this 4 Rs Roadmap has helped you see a bigger picture. Please remember that as you journey, there are helpers along the way. You don't have to figure out this roadmap alone. There are coaches, therapists, friends. There's a God-given light inside of you that can guide you forward on your journey ahead.
[00:10:22] Recognize that light; redirect towards it; refine whatever you need to, to allow that light in; and let that light ripple through you to better the world around you.
[00:10:36] We need you, my friend. Keep shining.
[00:10:40] If you want to learn more about how to think light, feel light and live light, then hop on my website, www.thelightcoach.com to schedule a free intro session and explore what's possible for you. That's www.theL-I-G-H-Tcoach.com. I promise you it'll be an adventure that you will never forget.
