53 - From Critic to Coach
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[00:00:00] Hello, my Friend. I love to sing. I love it. Anyone who knows me really well knows that my soul is full of song to the point where when I moved to Texas it just made me so happy because good Southern Christian music is the best thing in the world. And I didn't really—I mean, I knew a couple of songs—but then when I moved to Texas, I was like, "This, this is so good. "
[00:00:32] I mean, some of them sound exactly the same over and over, but you find some really good ones, those soul songs that just make you have goosebumps when you hear them 'cause you know that it's so true. "The song of the righteous is a prayer unto to me " says God and I just love to sing.
[00:00:49] But I have to tell you, I didn't always let myself sing. When I was in high school, I made the top choir. I was in every choir except for Men's Choir. That was the only one that I didn't do while I was in high school. And I just knew inside, deep inside, that I love to sing. And I was scared and I was worried that I wasn't good enough, but I tried out and I made it. And I thought to myself, "Ooh, I went under that radar. They must have not listened closely enough. " because I wasn't sure I was good enough to be there.
[00:01:18] And they put me in as a high soprano. And if you've ever tried to hit high notes, when you're nervous, it makes it really hard to do it well. It chokes up your voice, then you try and sing high and it's like, it just doesn't quite come out really clearly and beautifully like you want it to.
[00:01:38] And I struggled with this in high school. My choir teacher was a member of The Tabernacle Choir on Temple Square, which is a world renowned choir. And so she always made me a little bit nervous that I was doing it wrong. She also happened to be quite shaming and it was unfortunate, but I spent most of my time in choir nervous that I was going to hit those high notes wrong. That I missed out on a lot of the joy of singing and it made it so after high school, I kind of let it taper out. I would sing in the shower, sing a little bit around the house but I always was a little reserved.
[00:02:18] And then a couple of years ago,
[00:02:21] the leader of my church asked me if I would teach music to the children of the church. And at first I was like, "Um, I love music, but you're crazy. I teach adults about their thoughts. I don't teach children music. There's no way I'm going to feel comfortable doing that. And there's a bunch of other adults in the room that I'm going to feel really nervous singing in front of. This might be a problem. "
[00:02:45] Well, I prayed about it and I felt the peace of God tell me, "You need to do this and this is a beautiful chance for you to grow. " I am like, "Okay. I will do this. I will be crazy, vulnerable and go and teach these children. " So I started learning these children's songs and they were basic and they were beautiful and they didn't have those really high notes or those really low notes. And although I was still nervous to sing in front of the children, something beautiful happened that changed my relationship with music.
[00:03:18] While I was in that room, I started focusing on the messages of the beautiful children's songs of faith and my desire to help them feel the message of this song was bigger than my desire to sing well.
[00:03:35] And as I started singing each Sunday with these children, I noticed something about my voice. *I had let go of trying to make it sound good and I was starting to sound better*. I liked what I heard when I sang. I wasn't trying to sound like anybody else so that it sounded good enough. It sounded like the song within me. The beautiful song I had always wanted to sing. These loving children who couldn't care less how well I sang invited that from me. They gave me space to just love singing.
[00:04:14] And after I realized that shift, you couldn't get me to shut up. I was singing everywhere. I'm like, "I don't care what people think I'm going to sing because I love to sing. Look at this beautiful sound coming from me. I wanted to share it with others and I wanted to sing, even if no one was listening. It didn't matter. "
[00:04:34] I even got a Sonos speaker, put it in my kitchen and had music on _all_ the time. Cooking dinner? I'm singing Christian songs. My kids are around? We've got the music for my church or Disney songs and we're just singing it together. This is what the environment has been in my home. And as I have connected to that music connected to the sound from within me it has been therapeutic to me.
[00:04:59] Something a beautiful cousin of mine named Celeste taught me: that music is therapy. She's a music therapist and she also was in those choirs with me learning to love music.
[00:05:11] Now, I want you to think about how this story that I just shared with you can parallel your life. There are things within you that are so beautiful that just want to come out authentically you. But you're worried, worried because there's some critical voice that's been in the back of your head that's told you you've been doing it wrong. Worried, because when you try it doesn't quite work the way you want it to because you're nervous and *you're cutting off that natural creative, authentic sound because you're not letting go of the worry. *
[00:05:51] My friend, you are beautiful, valuable, enough right where you're at with your authentic you. And I want to invite you to be beautiful and brave and share that beautiful light within you.
[00:06:11] The first step to embracing that light is to let go of your inner critic. I had picked up an inner critic voice about my ability to sing from my choir teacher in high school. And it followed me around for over a decade before I recognized that that inner critic voice was what was making me fail.
[00:06:37] *What inner critic voices are keeping you stuck? *
[00:06:42] Is it something that someone said about your parenting? Or worry that you're going to be like your own parents and you're the worst critic in your mind? Is that critical lie stifling your creativity and the gifts that God has given you to raise those children?
[00:07:01] Or is there something that you want to try that you always wish you were brave enough to do? But someone once told you that you weren't strong enough or the right age...
[00:07:13] Back when I was involved in nonprofits that were supporting and educating women who had loved ones with addiction, I helped put on a retreat for a group of women who were on their healing journey. And one of the things I invited them to do was to bring something to share with the group. It could be anything that they wanted. It could be one of their favorite things or something that was beautiful they had created that they wanted to share. I kind of left it open-ended because I wanted it to be authentic to them.
[00:07:45] Well, one of the women who came was a very slender, beautiful woman who was quite tall. And when it came to be her turn to share something, she stood up and said something like this: "I have always wanted to be a dancer. But I'm really tall and everybody's told me I look awkward and lanky and that I shouldn't dance. I should do things like basketball. And so I kind of put that dream aside and never really did it. But when you invited me to share something, all I could think about was how much I wanted to dance. So, I feel really brave and vulnerable and nervous right now but I would like to dance for you. Can we all go outside so I can show you my dance? "
[00:08:32] As she shared her heart, every woman in that room just wanted to give her the biggest hug and we all went outside and she set up the music, struck this beautiful pose, and the music started. There was not a dry eye in that crowd as we watched this beautiful woman express herself through dance. I was so proud of her. And she inspired me to be a braver bolder me, to let go of some of the critics that have been telling me that I can't do something because of the way that I am.
[00:09:13] You can be tall and dance. You can be flat sometimes and still have a beautiful singing voice. You can struggle to be patient and kind with your children and still be an amazing mother. You can forget to pray or do something you know is wrong and still be 100% lovable as a daughter of God.
[00:09:39] Your inner critic tells you lies—lies, my friend!
[00:09:46] *But the truth is, you get to choose who to listen to: an inner critic or an inner coach.* A coach who cheers you on and sees your strengths and gives you the capacity to learn and grow.
[00:10:00] I was not the best singer when I first started embracing my sound. It took time to learn and grow but I had to give myself permission to start where I was at and let that be okay. My friend who shared her beautiful dance with me was not the best dancer I've ever seen but she was the most beautiful one I had seen in my life.
[00:10:23] *There is an inner light that you deserve to show and that others deserve to see and it gives them permission to be themselves when you choose to be you.*
[00:10:35] I know this because the women that I work with inspire me every day when they show up being brave and willing to learn and try something new.
[00:10:46] *What are you willing to try? How are you going to be brave today?*
[00:10:51] It doesn't have to be big. It just has to be you.
[00:10:57] Have a blessed day, my friend. I believe in you.
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