50 - When You Feel Like A Worm
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[00:00:00] Hello, my friend. Welcome back. Last week, I was on a really big high. I had all this joy and emotion and just wanted to share that with you. And today, if I'm completely honest, I have no desire to record a podcast. I feel a little bit like a worm today. There's a lot going on. Yesterday, I did something really vulnerable and today I feel a vulnerability hangover from that. And I just have a to-do list that's a mile long and I want to crawl back in my bed or check out, listening to an audio book.
[00:00:37] If I'm honest, that's where I'm at today. And I almost just didn't record because, you know, you don't really want to hear me when I am in this worm-state. You want to feel empowered and motivated to go get your dreams and be the best you.
[00:00:53] But when I was sitting thinking about that, I had this moment where I just felt like that's not what you want. You do want to feel empowered but you also want to feel like your everyday struggle is natural, like you're not the only one that sets a goal and has a really hard time accomplishing it sometimes.
[00:01:15] And I have set a goal to have a podcast episode ready for you every Tuesday and I don't want to work on it right now. Especially, because this is episode number 50 and it's supposed to be a mic-drop moment where we have this celebration and this is a really empowering episode. And it's been following me around, "What are you going to do for your 50th episode? It better be a good one. " And guess what that thought made me want to do? Crawl in bed and listen to something to check out, right?
[00:01:46] So in this moment I'm saying, "Nope. I don't need to listen to that voice. " I recognized that resistance that I was feeling, checked into why: "Oh, I'm feeling a little bit nervous about this 50th episode. I don't really want to record today. I'm feeling overwhelmed in a vulnerability hangover. " and then I let myself be there. It's okay that I don't want to do it.
[00:02:11] Once I gave myself that space, I had the idea: what if I just let it be messy and real? And share with you some of the struggle of following through on commitments?
[00:02:22] And my shame says, "No, you can't do that. You'd be doing it wrong. You have to have your heart in it for you to really actually do any good. You're going to mess it up. So you should just do this later. "
[00:02:34] But my friend, if I listened to that voice I would not do half of the things that I do in my life. Because it's true. I am doing some of it wrong but I'm not doing all of it wrong. But sometimes it's not realistic for my heart to be in it every a single time. And a lot of the times it's the action of taking steps to move forward that brings my heart to the game.
[00:02:59] You see, we do this a lot in Christian culture. We say to ourselves that we should want to do the good things. You should want to go to church and serve other people willingly. You should want to be a mom and be connected and available for your kids all the time. You should be hungry for scripture study and really available for prayer. These are messages we're told a lot as a Christian woman. But the truth? Some days we just don't want to even if we know that it's right. And that's okay. It's okay if you don't want to do those spiritual things.
[00:03:36] And the temporal things: to exercise or catch up on laundry or say sorry when you did something you feel ashamed of; maybe pay that bill or make that doctor appointment that's been following you around with an unchecked box for days and days.
[00:03:52] These are human patterns in our lives. And the truth is some days that's just where we're at. But the other truth: you don't have to want to do it.
[00:04:03] Yes, your feelings are going to naturally drive your actions. And if you're feeling resistant or like a worm, like I have been today, it's not going to naturally drive you forward, like the days when you feel excited and motivated and passionate about it. But the issue that I see so often in myself and in other women who I help is that they go from that place of resistance and try to shift to the more positive empowering place. And it's not a natural shift. Going from a worm to being a cheerleader just doesn't work. It's unrealistic.
[00:04:43] Today, when I was thinking about doing a podcast episode and just dreading it, being excited and passionate and motivated like it was last week was not where I was at. And if I tried to get on here and pretend that you would've seen straight through it and and not felt authentic me. And I am committed to giving you authentic me so that you have more permission to be authentic you.
[00:05:08] There's a client that I had once where she really struggled with her relationship with her body. When I asked her how she felt, she would say things like, "I hate my body. I just have a hard time not hating my body. " And I taught her about how her thoughts are creating her feelings and so she went home and she tried to practice looking at herself in the mirror and saying, "I love my body. " And guess what happened?
[00:05:32] It just made it _more_ tangible that she hated her body. It just cemented that in because it was not true for her. She did not love her body. And trying to pretend like she did just made her feel more shame and more hopelessness.
[00:05:48] So, when she came back to me and shared this with me, I invited her instead to take smaller steps to get there. What if we shifted from, "I hate my body. " to "I don't really like my body.? "
[00:06:03] Now you might think, "Well, we shouldn't really practice 'I don't really like my body.' " But that simple shift from "I hate my body " to "I don't really like my body " that was available to her brain. She's like, "Okay, I'll practice that. " So she did that for a day or two and then I invited her to shift to something a little bit more neutral of: "I have a body. Can you say that to yourself when you look in the mirror? I have a body. " "Yeah, I can do that. I believe that. That's available to me. " Okay, so she practiced that "I have a body, I have a body. " And when her brain is like, "You hate this body. " She was like, "Well, no. We're just talking about having a body. It's fine. " And she practiced that thought until that became natural to her.
[00:06:45] And over time she was able to shift it. "I have a body. God created my body. Maybe someday I could like my body. I like parts of my body. I'm working on loving my body. " The moment she came to me and said, "Today, I actually felt like I loved my body. " We celebrated because it was true. And she had got herself to that point by taking authentic steps forward. But she had to accept where she was and be kind herself in that phase for her to move that next phase forward.
[00:07:26] *So first, take a moment to neutralize whatever it is that you are struggling with. *
[00:07:33] Me? I didn't want to do a podcast. And my shame wanted to tell that that was not okay, that I need to want to do this. But I neutralized it and said, "What if it's okay that I don't want to do one today? What if thats exactly what I need to share: that some days I don't want to either? "
[00:07:50] You might not be struggling with your relationship with your body or following through on a goal you set like me recording a podcast. What if it's a relationship that you're struggling with like being a mom? Have you had a hard time being a mom today? Or yesterday or the day before? I'm sure there's one recently that was a little bit difficult for you. What, if you could tell yourself, "I'm struggling as a mom today and that's okay. Of course. Of course, I would have a hard time with this today. It's totally fine. " And then maybe you can have space in your mind to say, "It's possible that I could like being a mom. There have been days when I have liked being a mom. I actually love the part of being a mom when my kids are laughing and giggling and just smiling at me with that 'I love you mom' face. And it's okay that I don't love the part where they're yelling and fighting and I'm making dinner and doing dishes and laundry and all those other things. It's okay that I don't love that part. "
[00:08:54] Can you see how you have more space for the growth and the good if you neutralize and accept the hard and the struggle? Both are there and it's okay. You are human. Of course, you're going to have parts that you do and don't want to do and days, maybe even weeks where you really struggle to want to do the things that you've committed to that are your values—the things that, you want to be your goal in the end. It's okay if today it's hard for you to work towards that goal.
[00:09:28] *Give yourself grace that that's hard and then find one simple step that *_*is *_*available to you, that you *_*are*_* committed to doing. *
[00:09:39] As a mom, you're not always going to be confident. You're not always going to be motivated to help the kids with laundry and lunches and breaking up fights but you still do it. You still show up even on the hard days. Why? Why do you do that? Because you are committed to a bigger picture.
[00:10:02] Today, I had committed to myself that I was going to record a podcast. And the only reason I'm sitting here talking to you right now is because I met myself where I was at and said, "That's okay. This can be hard for you. Let's do it anyway. What's the next step? "
[00:10:22] And then I sat down and started writing out an outline. And guess what happened? As I started writing, I got a little bit more excited. "Maybe I could share how Christian women often get stuck feeling like they have to do it with their whole heart or they're doing it wrong. Yeah, that could be empowering. Or maybe I could talk about how important it is to love yourself, even when you I don't want to do the things you know are right. That's a message I'm really passionate about. "
[00:10:51] Can you feel it? Can you feel how my energy has shifted from being a worm to naturally bringing out some of that excitement, some of that motivation and desire. And now I'm _wanting_ to talk to you and I'm excited to be here with you.
[00:11:09] But I had to let myself start at neutral and be okay with that. What are you committed to today that you might be struggling with? Is it working on goals? Is it something lingering that you really think you should be doing but you're not taking action on? Is it loving yourself where you're struggling to be kind and feel like you're enough?
[00:11:33] *Take a moment to meet yourself where you're at and tell yourself, "It's okay that I feel this way. " because it is. Your feelings are not bad. Giving yourself that grace will help neutralize all of that resistance that has been there. *
[00:11:54] Then once you've honored that space, then maybe, just maybe, you can have a little bit of space for one simple next step. What would that next step be for you?
[00:12:08] Take one step forward to honor your commitment. And using that natural momentum, the next thing you know, the task will be done and then how will you naturally feel after you've accomplished the thing you didn't want to do? So much better.
[00:12:27] I have faith in you, my friend. Not faith that you can do it perfectly and always show up every time with a good attitude. That's not faith.
[00:12:37] *Faith is acting even when you don't know the result. Faith is being committed to something bigger than you. *Like showing up for your kids when they keeping disobedient and doing things exactly the opposite of the way that you asked them to. Or going to the gym one more time even though you feel like you're not getting the results you want in your body. Or turning on your microphone to record a podcast episode, even when you feel like a worm.
[00:13:08] I did it today because I'm committed to you. Commit to yourself today and take one simple faithful step forward and remember to love yourself along the way.
[00:13:23] Keep shining, my friend have a blessed day.
[00:13:27] Are you getting my TLC Tuesday emails? They are filled with tips, insights, and invitations to help you add light to your life. Go to www.thelightcoach.com/subscribe and make sure you're included. Because big things are coming and I don't want you to miss them. *Together, we can create confidence, connection, and clarity in life after therapy.*
