49 - That You Might Have Joy
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[00:00:00] My friend. You know, those moments where your heart wants to explode because it has so much joy that you aren't sure you're comfortable feeling that intensity and so you feel your body compulsively trying to calm down that joy so that you don't literally explode?
[00:00:24] I just had one of those moments with my six year old son. You see, as a kid, I did not ever see a loving, nurturing, connected, healthy relationship. My mom was married three times. My dad was never there emotionally for her, my step dad died shortly after my mom got remarried, and then my second stepdad was emotionally abusive to my mom. So I did not have people in my home that showed me what love looked like.
[00:00:53] And tonight as I was making dinner, I'm chopping up a bunch of vegetables and the song "Thinking out loud " by Ed Sheeran came on and as I'm sitting there, chopping this song is talking about loving your spouse when you're old just like the first day you fell in love. And I'm sitting there thinking about my amazing relationship with my husband and he sneaks up behind me and gives this hug. And it was just a tender sweet moment. And he turned me around and twirled me and danced with me a little bit in the kitchen. And I just was soaking in that joy.
[00:01:27] And then I turned around and my sweet little six-year-old boy was sitting there with the biggest smile on his face. I smiled back at him and he said to me, "Mom, when I get big, I want to do that too. "
[00:01:43] And in that moment, my heart wanted to burst with joy that my sweet little six-year-old son got to see what a healthy, connected, nurturing relationship looks like. These moments are what build what we believe about love.
[00:02:03] As a child, I didn't know what love meant. I thought that you helped somebody because you cared about them and you'd feel good as a person. That was what I love was to me—was being helpful.
[00:02:14] So my relationships with others as I was growing up was more of a give so that you could take. You give some service and some love, so you could feel good about yourselves and feel important.
[00:02:25] I remember this moment when I was first married when I just felt like my marriage was so strained. Marriage was so much harder than I thought I would be. I remember praying to God and saying, "Please, please help me understand why I don't feel love. "
[00:02:42] Shortly after that prayer, I had a moment where I caught myself doing something specifically for the praise of my husband. And in that moment, God taught me something that has never left me. I heard so clear the words in my head, "You're loving him not because you love him but because you need him to love you. "
[00:03:06] I was not giving love. I was demanding it. Expecting it. Manipulating it.
[00:03:15] It has taken me years of therapy, of almost losing my marriage, of going through the depths of hell of addiction for me to realize that I have to recognize my divine worth, that God loves me, and that I am lovable no matter what. That truth had to be there before I could truly love another, before I could receive the love from someone else. Because I was so busy trying to create it that I didn't have space to simply receive it.
[00:03:54] Receiving the love of God is a choice. It is focusing on the truth that He has to offer about your divine worth. That's where love comes from.
[00:04:08] *True intimacy is when two people know their divine worth and they want to share that with each other.*
[00:04:16] That moment in the kitchen with my husband could look a lot like some fairytale chick flick, that I had found and the perfect person and it was "happily ever after. " No. We went through a lot. A lot of self searching, a lot of learning and growing, and finding God. And we're still on that journey. But we're on it together. And we know who we are. That's why we have that connection. That's why my son can see it and he hungers for it because it's beautiful.
[00:04:51] But it had to start with a relationship between me and God, truly knowing and believing that I had divine worth, and then acting like it in my relationships with others—especially with my husband.
[00:05:09] I did not know how to do that as a kid. Nobody showed me back then. But God has guided me to a path that has taught me how. And the fact that my kids get to see that and I get a pass that along makes my heart want to burst with joy.
[00:05:29] I desperately want to help others have that joy too. The joy that comes from a relationship with yourself that is full of divine worth, a relationship with God that guides your every step and opens up the space to really connect with the people that you love, who are in your everyday life.
[00:05:49] I just can't help, but want to inspire that type of joy and love and connection in the lives of other Christian women, like you.
[00:06:01] And so I did something that I've never wanted to do. I got on social media and I've been trying to put more content out in the world with podcasts, and Instagram stories and reels, and all these things I'm learning how to do. I've even created something that I'm so excited about to share with the world next month: a course that helps women create that light in their lives.
[00:06:24] And as much as I'd love to shout from the rooftops and share what I know with every woman in the world, it's hard to find them. And it been a trial and error game of figuring out what to say in how to say it and who's even listening. And as I've been getting the hang of it, I'll get a couple likes here or there or a comment once in a while. But a few weeks ago, something that I posted on instagram exploded. It was a short video that highlighted some of my healing. It starts with some pictures of me in a really dark place, has a short little video of me having fun with my kids, and some snapshots of my family now. At the end, it has the caption "healing is possible. "
[00:07:10] Now my friends, that video the day that it was posted hit 15,000 views. 15,000! And I just checked today it's almost up to 20,000. And nothing that I have posted has come even close to that I think like 5,000 or 6,000 has been my highest. And as I've been reflecting and thinking, "Why is this video so enticing to people to watch? " The thing that just resonates with me is that people want hope. You want hope. Hope that there really are relationships that are fulfilling and pure; connected and happy. Hope that if you are in that dark, overwhelming place, the other side can have joy and light and love and freedom. And today, I just wanted to share a little bit of that with you.
[00:08:07] Now, let me be clear: this is not, "Look at my life and look at all the joy I have. You should want to be like me. " This is also not a measuring stick to see where your life is lacking. This is simply my invitation to you:
[00:08:24] *Check in with your relationship with God, with yourself, with your loved ones. Is there true intimacy? True divine worth? True connection?*
[00:08:38] This is my witness: that it's possible no matter what your life situation looks like. You could be in the middle of an abusive situation, you could be recently divorced and feeling like you're never going to even get married again, you could be single, never having been in a relationship.
[00:08:59] Again, *true intimacy stems from your relationship with God because he is the author of love. *
[00:09:08] And he created you, his child, with that same capacity. The world gets cloudy and loud and messy and we follow the examples of people who didn't know better either. But it is possible because I am living it.
[00:09:24] And I've helped women just like you create it in their many different circumstances. Your journey will look individual because your worth is individual. But I promise you, my friends, joy—true lasting joy—is just around the corner.
[00:09:43] It takes work to get there, don't get me wrong, but it can be invigorating, renewing, empowering work, even divine work. Work that I've done and so has my husband and we're continuing to do it every day and I will tell you, despite the chaos we've been through, the addictions we've overcome, the sorrow and trauma that racked my soul with grief—I would choose this journey. The journey where I know that the person beside me has chosen God and healing and strength. Where the power of God has helped us both overcome _hard_ things.
[00:10:28] *I wouldn't trade the knowledge I have now for the absence of pain and discomfort because the growth in the end is worth all the blood sweat and tears. *
[00:10:40] Whatever you're going through, whatever low, whatever frustration may be there—the growth ahead of you is so beautiful and there is joy in that journey. There truly is. Joy like that moment where I was in the kitchen dancing with my husband when I saw my little son beaming and soaking in that joy.
[00:11:02] And I have to tell you, there's some opposition to it too. Sometimes we want to resist that joy because it feels uncomfortable or even foreign because we've been in dark places before. And honestly, we're scared that the joy will leave and we'll be in that dark place again. It can be vulnerable to let yourself feel the joy. But i know that about joy and so i took a moment, saw the resistance, thanked God for what I had, and that gratitude brought me to a space where I could soak in the joy—just feel it, give my son a big hug, and then do you know what I did? I came in here and pushed record because I wanted to share it with you. Share with you that it is possible for you to feel joy.
[00:11:58] The scriptures even say that you exist "that you might have joy, " lasting, eternal, true joy. And my deepest desire Is to do everything I can to help you see the divine light in you that will bring love, connection, and true lasting joy. I believe in you, my friend and I know it's possible. God is right there helping you. Have a blessed day, my friend.
[00:12:33] Are you getting my TLC Tuesday emails? They are filled with tips, insights, and invitations to help you add light to your life. Go to www.thelightcoach.com/subscribe and make sure you're included. Because big things are coming and I don't want you to miss them.
[00:12:52] *Together, we can create confidence, connection, and clarity in life after therapy.*
