46: The Gift of Vulnerability
[00:00:00] Hey friend, welcome back to today's TLC. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. There's a tradition in my family that we do every Christmas. Christmas Eve. First, we eat a fishermen's dinner that reminds us of when Christ was on the earth and what he may have eaten. And then we spend the rest of the evening doing one of my favorite things: singing carols to my Savior. There's this book that I found where you go through the nativity story by singing the carols that go with that piece of the story and then reading an excerpt of the scripture that goes along with. And it really brings the spirit of Christmas.
[00:00:42] And then right at the end, after we've sang and praised and felt the Christmas spirit, we all take a moment to share a gift we want to give to Christ for the coming year. This is kind of like my family's version of new year's resolutions. Except for, instead of just saying, we want to be better and I do better and make this goal, we focus it on what we can give to Christ and also receive His help for the next year.
[00:01:10] And last year in 2021, I was thinking about what I wanted to give. And I have to tell you that I have been hiding for a long time. I've known that I needed to do things to put my voice out in the world, but it's vulnerable to just put my thoughts out there and share with you when I'm thinking or feeling or learning. It takes a lot of courage for me to do this podcast or send out emails or put on Instagram, whatever it is.
[00:01:39] But last Christmas, my gift was that I would be vulnerable and share my voice. And you are listening! We just hit a thousand downloads, my friends. Thank you. Thank you for receiving the gift that I've been trying so hard to deliver this year. And there has been a lot of learning along the way. One of the things I learned was that my podcast name is a little long, so we're going to shorten it. Instead of "Today's TLC: Life After Therapy, " it's just going to be "Life After Therapy ". So heads up, that's going to change in 2023.
[00:02:16] Also, a few people have shared with me that they want to hear my life after therapy experience. So the beginning of next year, I'm going to take a few episodes and do some behind the scenes. So get excited about that. But before we transition into next year, let's take a moment to just soak in 2022 with some of my favorite moments from the podcast. Check them out:
[00:02:41] *To get to stage four, unconditional love, you have to work on loving your body where you're at *_*first*_*. You cannot hate yourself into being different. It's not motivating. *For the next week, every morning when you wake up, I want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself, "It's okay. I've got you. " And if that just feels so foreign to you, and you immediately think, "No, I don't. I don't believe you. " then try this instead: " It's okay, we're practicing. "
[00:03:19] Find the lie. Then find a thought that will help you focus on more empowering truths.* *And as you practice this—recognizing lies and offering your brain truths—you will create patterns that will break the norm. You will not be the average person focusing on negative things. And *you will have natural, positive momentum fueling your thoughts, feelings, and actions. *
[00:03:49] Giving up is letting life happen to you. It's indulging as a victim and saying, "I can't do it, this is too hard. " Choosing in, on the other hand, means that *you accept the things that you cannot change and you courageously change the things you can. *
[00:04:12] Instead of survival mode, I shifted to guided mode. To me, guided mode is when I stopped trying to calculate everything with my mind and mitigate all the risk. And instead, *open myself up to being spiritually guided by someone who knows way better than I do, a better path forward.*
[00:04:37] It started out with the way that I would want to connect in the morning with myself, with God, and with my family. Then I would be productive with my day and connected in the moment, flexible with what comes up, but also purposeful with my time. I would set aside time for self care. I would honor my body by putting good things in my body. And then I would have present family time (and not run out of energy and be impatient with my children by the end of the day), take time to connect with my husband, and end the day with God. *That was really what my day was like when I thought about my ideal day. And it gave me pause because it seemed so simple. *
[00:05:22] People make addiction so much harder than it has to be. And yes, it is an uphill climb and I'm not going to say it doesn't take effort. But the simplest answer to any addiction is this: *learn to feel your feelings. *Learn to feel your feelings. If you can learn to feel your feelings and be responsible for your mental and emotional health—putting things in place that will actually help you feel better instead of temporarily numb the feeling—that is where the money is. That is how you heal from addiction. Or from the betrayal of someone else's addiction.
[00:06:01] The best way to build self-confidence is to neutralize a fear of failure. Fear of failure cripples your willingness to even try. Typically we're afraid of failure because we think it affects how lovable or valuable we are if we fail. And of course, we're not going to try if we don't love ourselves through failure. *Embrace failure as a part of learning and know that you'll remember your worth and love yourself, even if you fail*. You can have your own back. That's true self-confidence.
[00:06:45] Training your brain to see the gain helps you recognize what you already have, what you're learning, and what you can do to progress. It's so much more motivating to look at the world through the lens of the gain. The trick here is practice because your brain is not going to automatically look for the gain. It's going to look for the gap. Because remember the automatic brain wants to keep us alive so it's going to look for all the things that could go wrong. *Invite your brain to be focusing on the things that will propel you forward instead of keeping you stuck in overwhelmed. *
[00:07:26] I hope you enjoyed that recap from some of my favorite episodes in 2022. I have to tell you though, listening to that is still vulnerable for me. But mostly because I want you to learn the principles that have added light to my life since I left therapy.
[00:07:43] And many of the stories that I told, or the principles I shared were from the people that I've coached and the amazing journeys that they've been through. I know you've been through a vulnerable journey too. Whether it was trying something new or even just looking at something from your past that was hard to process.
[00:08:03] *You are courageous. You did something this year that helped you learn and grow. *
[00:08:10] That gift of vulnerability of learning and stretching yourself might not have a result like the number of downloads on a podcast, but the results in your life are just as tangible.
[00:08:24] Take a moment today, my friend and recognize where your vulnerability has brought you in 2022.
[00:08:33] Then, think about what else is possible next year. Let's be vulnerable together and keep journeying forward.
[00:08:42] Can't wait to see what happens In 2023.
[00:08:46] Are you getting my TLC Tuesday emails? They are filled with tips, insights, and invitations to help you add light to your life. Go to www.thelightcoach.com/subscribe and make sure you're included. Because big things are coming and I don't want you to miss them. Together, we can create confidence and clarity in life after therapy.