44: Christmas Self-Care
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[00:00:00] Hello, my friends. Welcome to today's TLC. Last week, I invited you to have a vision for your Christmas and recently I talked to somebody that I really admire and she found a shocking realization when she was thinking about her clear vision for Christmas that changed a tradition that she had had for years.
[00:00:24] So this woman actually happens to be my sister who I dearly, dearly love and she has been going through some really hard times with their family. She's been fighting for years to try and save her marriage and she's separated from her husband right now—they've been separated for about six months. And the thought of Christmas this season has felt really overwhelming to her. Kind of heavy and down, and she's just felt like no matter what she would do with it, it wasn't going to be a good Christmas.
[00:00:55] So, in years past, they've had a tradition as a family to go on a trip because they live in Idaho and Idaho is really crazy cold right now. It's like 15 degrees today. And as she was brainstorming where she could go that would be warm, she reached out to me because I live in Texas and she said, "Can I please come to your house for Christmas? If I stay home everything will feel so heavy. And I just need to go somewhere that I can feel the Christmas joy. "
[00:01:24] Now I have to tell you, I jumped right into that and was like, "Yes, please come to my house! I would love to give you a soft place to land and help you feel the peace and the joy that you deserve to feel this Christmas. " And we started getting excited about it. She was looking into flights and how the dates would line up and all the different things that she kept exploring just felt like a square peg in a round hole. And she was deflated. And honestly, I was a little nervous. I felt like, "Ugh come on! She deserves to have a break. She deserves to have Christmas where she can just relax. "
[00:02:03] And on top of that. She has a daughter who is a senior in high school this year and she keeps thinking, "Ugh, I need to do something memorable because it is her senior year. We need to go on a trip. We always go on a trip for Christmas. "
[00:02:18] Can you imagine how deflated she'd felt thinking that no matter what she did it wasn't going to be a good Christmas? Things just weren't working out.
[00:02:29] But then she gave herself a moment, just a brief moment of reflection and said, "Okay, what is it that I actually want from Christmas? And what is it that I don't want this Christmas season? " As she gave space in her mind to just go over that question and consider the possibilities, she had an amazing realization and when it came down to it, she wanted a simple, organic, authentic Christmas.
[00:03:05] Now here's the thing: those are all feelings. Those aren't destinations. Those aren't traditions. *We love Christmas traditions because they come with feelings. But sometimes we're so focused on the tradition that we don't even realize it's not creating that feeling for us anymore. *That's what my sister had when she took the time to reflect on what her Christmas vision would be, she realized she didn't even want to go on a trip. She didn't want to have to pack and plan and find all of the airfare and all the other things that go into traveling around Christmas time. She just wanted to enjoy the simple things like the Christmas concerts for her kids. Or wearing her favorite Christmas sweater. And spending time with the people that she cared about.
[00:04:00] She realized that all of those things were available at her home—even with everything going on with her husband and with her family and trying to figure it all out. She could create those things now.
[00:04:14] *The things around her did not have to change. It was her belief that needed to change: a belief that she could create her Christmas.*
[00:04:25] But there was one problem: her children. Their main Christmas tradition had been to go somewhere over Christmas break. And she was really worried about letting them down, especially her oldest daughter because this is her senior year.
[00:04:41] But she chose to get clear about what was important to her and go and ask her kids to do the same. And guess what she found? No one wanted to travel. Her kids were so relieved. They said, "Mom, the only reason we wanted to go is because we thought you didn't want to be home. We didn't want you to be miserable here. " And the reason she wanted to go was because she thought the kids needed to leave.
[00:05:07] Everyone actually wanted to stay home.
[00:05:11] *They were all so busy thinking that they needed to take care of that Christmas tradition, that they missed the chance to take care of their family. *
[00:05:21] So, what is your Christmas looking like?
[00:05:24] *Are you chasing the different traditions to try and feel that Christmas joy?*
[00:05:29] Are you pining for something to look different than it is right now thinking maybe that's where you're going to find your fulfillment this Christmas?
[00:05:38] Ugh, if only the weather were warmer. Or if only there was more snow. If
[00:05:43] that family member would just cooperate. Or if I had someone to share it with this Christmas.
[00:05:50] If I could just get that project done so that I can enjoy the holidays.
[00:05:55] Or if we had more money so that I could get that perfect gift.
[00:05:59] Or maybe, like my sister, if I could just run away to Texas where it's warm then, then I could feel the Christmas joy.
[00:06:08] *My friend, you can find Christmas joy right now, right where you're at with simple Christmas self-care. *
[00:06:20] Think about what traditions you actually like to do? Is it going to Christmas concerts and seeing your cute little kids in their Christmas presentations? Or maybe it's fun Christmas sweaters and scarfs and dressing up all Christmas-y. Maybe it's certain Christmas goodies like drinking eggnog at night while you're looking at the Christmas lights on your tree and just soaking it in.
[00:06:50] It could be the movies, the lights, the family gatherings, the service, the food that you eat—there are so many things that are fun about Christmas time. And it's a whole season thing. It's not just the perfect Christmas day.
[00:07:07] *There are so many things you can take time to enjoy throughout the season. What can you do today to have some simple Christmas self-care? *
[00:07:19] It might mean taking a moment to reflect on your traditions and see if there's one that you could drop this year that really isn't actually giving you the feeling that you want.
[00:07:30] Or maybe it's just being more present and accepting that you don't have to go anywhere or have someone else change their choices for you to feel okay this Christmas.
[00:07:42] *The best Christmas gift that you can give yourself is to remember that you have power to create whatever feeling you want to experience this Christmas season. It just takes a little bit of curiosity, a little bit of self-care, and a little bit more love. *
[00:08:04] It may sound cheesy, my friend, but whatever is going to help you feel love this season is what will actually last.
[00:08:13] *After all, the one who is the author of love is the reason for the season*.
[00:08:20] Merry Christmas, my friends. You are loved and you deserve to enjoy your Christmas.
[00:08:28] I hope you find some amazing self-care moments this Christmas season. And hey, if one of them includes coming and hanging out with me in Texas, my door is always open. Merry Christmas, my friends.
[00:08:42] Are you getting my TLC Tuesday emails? They are filled with tips, insights, and invitations to help you add light to your life go to www.thelightcoach.com/subscribe and make sure you're included. Because big things are coming and I don't want you to miss them. Together, we can create self-confidence and clarity in life after therapy.
