114 - A Beginner's Mind
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[00:00:00] Stephanie - Overdub: ,Hey, my friends, welcome to another episode of Radiant You. Have you ever heard the saying, "The best substitute for experience is being 16"? The first time I heard this, it totally made me laugh because I thought of my 16 year old self that knew what was going on and absolutely did not want any adult to tell me that I didn't know.
[00:00:24] And I see that in the teenagers around me and recently in my own little 12 year old son who is venturing into that preteen world. And I have this pamphlet that I pull out every once in a while that has the developmental stages of children to help me just remember that things are normal. And this phase that my son is entering into, I love the pamphlet says, "This is the phase where there's not enough groceries, too many hormones, and one smart kid keeps reminding you, Yeah, I know!"
[00:00:53] And it totally is true. I've been seeing that in my life. Where my son just keeps saying, mom, I'm hungry. All the time. And yeah, yeah, I know mom and don't get me wrong. He's a great kid. I actually am super, super blessed to have my 12 year old son because he is just amazing, but he still has those natural, normal moments.
[00:01:12] And we had one recently where he just broke down and felt flooded by emotion and said to me, "Mom, you just don't understand!" And I have to tell you, in that moment, my immediate mom response was like, "Yes, I do. I was 12 years old once, and I know more than you. And I have a bigger perspective and more understanding, and you're the one who doesn't understand." That was my default. That's where I wanted to go. But gratefully, God inserted Himself and said, "Calm down..." and helped me breathe. And I found myself saying, "You know what, bud? You're right. I don't understand. Can you help me understand?"
[00:01:54] And when I came with that mindset, with that willingness, everything shifted in our conversation. He started to cry. He just unloaded this huge heavy weight that had been on his chest of all the things he'd been thinking and feeling lately, and it ended up being a beautiful connecting conversation.
[00:02:14] And once I gave him space to believe that I wanted to learn from him, to hear him, and that I wasn't just trying to tell him I was right, he then could see that maybe I had some wisdom to offer too. And near the end of the conversation, we talked about how saying, "I already know!" or, "You don't understand!" gets us stuck. So that we can't learn and grow together.
[00:02:39] One of the ways I helped him see this was pointing out his little brothers. He's the oldest of four boys and his little brothers really look up to him. He recognizes that they don't see and understand the same things that he does. As a 12 year old, he's going to have more experience than his 5 year old little brother, who doesn't quite process the same way.
[00:03:01] And as I pointed that out to him, he said, "Yeah, that's true. I know more than he does." I said, "Well, maybe as a mom, I can see and understand and process things that you maybe don't see and understand and know about because I have more experience and more knowledge and understanding than you do." And he nodded his head and agreed that maybe he could have more space to hear my point of view. But then the more important part of the conversation was this: we then talked about how just as my youngest son looks up to him and he looks up to me, I do not have all the understanding. That the only person that does is God. And that when we stop ourselves and say, "We have enough understanding." We limit our ability to become like God and expand our understanding.
[00:03:54] Because as a mom, I'm not always going to know how my son feels, even though I think I do because I've been in some similar situation as a kid. But when I'm willing to turn to God and say, "I don't fully understand, but you do." He can fill in the gaps.
[00:04:11] And I've been thinking a ton about it since I had this conversation with my son, directing him to God and saying, "Yes, you can ask me for help, but God's going to be the one who helps the most because He fully understands.
[00:04:23] And it's been lingering in my heart ever since how I can do that better in my life. And my invitation is for you to take a moment in today's episode to think about how we can drop the, "I know" or "I understand" so that you have more space to connect and learn and grow in your relationships, whether it's with children or family members, friends, work colleagues, anyone. And also your relationship with yourself.
[00:04:51] Because we often get stuck in these patterns thinking that nobody understands us or also thinking that we should already understand, we should have the answers, and that we've had a piece of the answer in the past and so that piece still sticks and we try and try and try to make it be the answer when maybe we need a new perspective. A new curiosity.
[00:05:14] One of the ways I love to do this is to practice what's called the beginner's mindset.
[00:05:20] The beginner's mind is a concept from Zen Buddhism where it's described as having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would. So you've got to think about if you had just started your very first class in a language and you had no background in it, how would you approach the study? How would you approach a relationship if this was your first time experiencing this person, having a blank slate with no judgment, no preconceived notions about them?
[00:05:59] This exercise is often done in a business atmosphere where they say, "Okay, to solve this problem, we're going to forget anything we know about the project or the subject or the situation, and we're going to view it completely fresh, objectively, as if we didn't know anything about it." it gives freedom for so much more space to learn and grow and see it in a new light.
[00:06:21] There's a quote from a book called Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, where it says, "In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind, There are a few."
[00:06:33] How are you seeing yourself in your life?
[00:06:36] *Without disregarding all of the amazing experience and knowledge that you've gained, where are you maybe stuck because you feel like you know and so you don't have room to grow? *
[00:06:50] Could it be in a relationship? Maybe a project you're working on or a decision you have to make? How could it change if you had more of a beginner's mind?
[00:07:03] In that relationship, would you drop judgments and let the person show up in a different way than you expect them to?
[00:07:12] Or in a project, maybe you have a fresh creative idea that you wouldn't have seen before because you're looking at it with new eyes.
[00:07:19] Or if there's a hard decision you're trying to make, maybe you'd have less drama about it and the answer is simpler than you've been making it.
[00:07:27] Here are some questions that can help you generate a beginner's mind:
[00:07:33] What would you do if you didn't know anything else about this situation?
[00:07:38] What is a different way that you could think about this?
[00:07:43] What may be getting in the way of you finding a solution?
[00:07:48] If there was nothing holding you back what would you do?
[00:07:53] In a perfect world what outcome would you achieve?
[00:07:58] Or what advice would you give a stranger about this situation?
[00:08:04] When you apply a beginner's mindset, it opens you up to asking more questions, to new ideas, to being willing to experiment. And as in the case with my son, it helps you have a renewed patience for what's going on, because you don't feel like you've already been enduring so much of it. If you're a beginner, you have a fresh perspective and fresh patience.
[00:08:29] I'm grateful that God stopped me in that moment and gave me space in my heart to say to my son, "I don't know, help me understand." And then he opened up to see that he could have more of a beginner's mind on his end too. When we were both in that beginner's mindset, we had more space to learn.
[00:08:51] And my friend, you are in a space where you have so much to learn! Because I know that I do and I know every other person on this planet does because we have a limited understanding with our mortal minds. But what if that's perfect? What if that's okay? What if that's exactly what God wants is for us to have a beginner's mindset so we can open up and see the way that He sees. And invite His view to guide us and direct us.
[00:09:20] *You don't have to know all the answers. You don't have to fully understand. My invitation to you, my friend, is to let go of having to know so that you can learn and grow and relieve some of that pressure and let yourself be a beginner.*
[00:09:42] Take a big breath, let go of all of the I think I have to's and start again. This moment. This day. As a beginner.
[00:09:55] You've got this, my friend. Have a blessed day!
[00:10:00] You are radiant and God wants you to remember that truth. But sometimes you forget. Don't worry, I've got you. I've created some free resources that will help you live lighter and shine brighter. Check out my show notes for the links.
[00:10:20] However, God guides your next steps, know that you are not alone on this journey I can't wait to see how you discover a more radiant you.
